The Paper Chain People
by Strawberry Heart Cheesecake
Summary: is on temporary hiatus.
1. S1E1: Transcension

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.**

* * *

He was within seconds of absolute victory, and then he was falling face-first into the rain-swept sidewalk outside a video arcade. Somewhere nearby, an ambulance blasted past, filling his head with sirens. It was night, somehow. It had been afternoon less than five seconds ago.

Light pulled himself painfully to his feet, and brushed the grit from his lips. He tasted blood. He swayed, and felt sick.

What the hell was _this_? He was alone, in a city, in the midst of an exceptionally frigid night, but he could still feel the warm breath of the SPK Building's air conditioner on his skin.

Beside him, there was a sound.

L pushed himself up into a fragile crouch, and stared up at him dispassionately. "You will notice, Yagami-kun, that it has been more than one minute since Rem wrote my name in her note, and I am still alive."

Light only stared.

"I wonder how you would account for this," L continued. He managed to get to his feet, and then they were side by side.

"You," Light growled. "You did this."

"Yagami-kun, you should know by now that I am not capable of teleportation. Moreover, I fail to see what I would hypothetically achieve by teleporting myself into a puddle."

"Liar! You cheated the Death Note. The note has failed because of _this — _you did this to save your skin."

L refused to fight back. "Your theory intrigues me, Yagami-kun. What is "this"? What has happened to us?"

Light deflated a little. "I don't know." The bile rose again. It was never far away. "But it doesn't matter at all. Not in the slightest. Rem will write your name again if necessary. She has no choice but to kill you, no matter how many extra lives you may have. I have seen to everything."

L shrugged. "That does not appear to be true."

"I beat you!" Light's eyes bulged. "I _won_, you bastard."

For a second he saw himself stepping forward, gripping L by the shoulder and jaw, and tearing him apart like a gutted fish. The skin would stretch and split, the arteries would spill and it would finally be finished. It would be easy. Why couldn't he ever do it that way, instead of writing names into a notebook? Wasn't it the same thing, in the end?

L sighed. "Do not be tiresome. I am aware that you are a hot-blooded type of person, but it is long since time you realised the most important facts of our current situation."

"What are you babbling about?"

"We have both been transported. We are both still alive."

"And?"

"It means that if a person did this, they favour neither one of us over the other. In other words, we have a common enemy. One who has decisively outsmarted us."

This, above everything else, stung Light.

"Outsmarted?" he laughed, his voice trembling slightly. "Hardly, Ryuzaki. To take us off guard is not the same as outsmarting us. If I punch you in the stomach, am I outsmarting you? Please, I want to know."

He really did. Punching L in the stomach had become an earnest ambition in the last four seconds of his life.

"Yagami-kun, do not feign ignorance. You know we both make a point of never being caught off guard. It is our goal to anticipate all potential obstacles, yet despite this we have been obstructed. My instinct tells me we are in serious trouble."

"Hah! Serious trouble? My own instinct tells me we are in Tokyo, less than four miles from your personal skyscraper. Your terrible enemy has moved us all of a thousand yards. Horror of horrors! Such a mystery! Where does the great detective L intend to start his investigation?"

"First I will consult a standard map of the area and compare our positions before and after the incident," said L, ignoring Light's tone of voice.

"Indeed!"

"Following that, we will either uncover a pattern, or a lack of pattern. Either will be sufficient to establish my first idea of a motive."

"Excellent!"

"In the interim, I will have Watari prepare my files on teleportation, and use this information to guard against further disruption from our new enemy."

"Well thought out!"

"And finally, we will establish an identity and the arrest will be made."

"An excellent plan." Light made no attempt to hide his scorn.

"Thank you," said L flatly.

Light smiled callously. "Ryuzaki, it concerns me that you are so calm. Perhaps I should remind you that you just recently escaped being murdered at my hands?"

L's expression and habitual slouch remained the same, but Light felt an immeasurable contempt behind his eyes. "Do not trouble yourself, Yagami. I will always remember that you are, and were, a murderer. I intend to write it down in the near future."

A vision of the spare Death Note in the SPK Building passed before Light's eyes.

He smiled, though. "Provided you _have_ a near future, hmm?"

L turned, and stared at a road-sign. "I believe I have as much as I need." Having identified the street — which was indeed Tokyo, so close to his headquarters and yet somehow so unfamiliar — he started walking away.

Light was genuinely confused. "What are you doing?"

"I am leaving, Yagami-kun. Goodnight."

"You can't leave," he said bluntly.

"That is untrue. I have many things to do. I must solve the mystery of our teleportation, explain the inconsistency that the Death Note has shown, and give my account of your crimes to your father."

"Wait!"

L did not wait. He crossed the mouth of a street that sloped sharply downwards, leaving a looming expanse of the skyline at eye level.

Light hurried after him, and, from the corner of his eye, saw something impossible.

He came to a halt, and stared.

"L?" he said.

L turned around, paused at a pedestrian crossing. "Yagami-kun, I have asked you not to call me that."

"I... don't think it matters any more." Light laughed giddily.

L turned to him. "What do you mean?"

"Come over here and look at this."

L returned to the sloping street and followed Light's gaze.

"I..." His voice faltered.

Below them lay Tokyo. The moon and the city lights shone brightly across the empty space where the SPK Building should have been.

When Light looked away, L was looking at him with a puzzled expression.

"Yagami-kun, you appear to have a red envelope stuck to your back."

Light reached behind him and found a hard rectangle. He pulled it off. It was addressed to them both, by names no one should have known.

* * *

_Kira, and L_

_Dear sirs._

_Do not try to find your homes: you will find nothing. You have been removed to another world. For the purposes of this event, it is the New World. At the present, it is a world without guidance._

_The transport you recently enjoyed is called the Warp Note. As you might have guessed, it moves a person into a parallel timeline — a world in which they do not exist. Unfortunately for you, it is irreversible. You are here at our pleasure, to undergo a test we have arranged. Be aware: you are our first guests, but your opponents will be arriving shortly after you, whereupon they will be given the same information as you. From the moment they arrive, you will be in mortal danger. The games will begin._

_There are five of you. You will fight until there is one. The victor will receive everything, both literally and figuratively._

_You have, every one of you, aspired to godhood. We are not inclined to neglect the ambitious._

—_The Management_

_PS. Kira and L, you are an exception to our oldest rule. We have judged that you are equally corrupt, so you will play the game as a single contender. For this game, you are one person. Neither one of you is permitted to kill the other. The penalty, naturally, will be death, and disqualification._

_Your first opponent arrives in one hour. He will have the same information as you. Prepare yourselves._

* * *

Having called an uneasy truce, they slunk, shell-shocked, into a neon-bathed fast food chain. Neither of them could think of much to say.

L spoke with what remained of the restaurant staff, who were clearly not expecting customers this late, and had to switch several of their bizarre machines back on. Light chose a table.

As he sat down, he felt, in his inner pocket, a very familiar shape.

_It couldn't be._

He didn't check immediately. He ordered a bottle of mineral water, and read the menu twice. He listened to three songs going by. Then, when he had read the menu one last time, carefully scanning the fine print at the very end, he casually reached inside his jacket and touched it.

It was real. He still had the Note.

_He still had the Death Note_.

Lights seemed to flash in his eyelids. He fought back a glorious smile.

"Yagami-kun?"

He looked up into L's deadpan eyes.

"Huh?" he managed.

"Your opinion is sought on the matter of fries."

Light blinked. "What?"

"As I understand it, fries may exist, or may not exist, depending on your response."

The waitress sighed inwardly.

Light shrugged. "Sure, I'll have fries."

"Thank you very much."

They sat facing each other over a table beside the window, alone in a roomful of squeaky white tiles. A miniature monsoon had developed outside, and the people on the sidewalks were hunching their coats over their heads.

"What we need," said Light, without waiting a moment longer, "is a plan of action."

"Clearly."

"What we need is to beat this game, kill whoever's running it, and get back to the real world somehow."

"Ideally." L ate a single fry, with painstaking movements.

"But a problem arises." Light toyed with a salt shaker, oblivious to the grimy surface of the glass. "We don't know who is responsible for this, or how to find them. They have alleged that escaping the game is impossible, and it is extremely plausible that they were right. Without knowing exactly has happened, we have no way of proceeding."

"Well summarized."

"Furthermore, we must contend with the other people they've ensnared, and we are expected to fight them to the death. However we react, we will be in mortal danger for extended periods of time."

"Indeed."

"I'm aware that you're not listening to me, L."

"Of course."

"I'll just drink your coffee, then, shall I?"

L silently moved his coffee out of reach. Well, it was swimming with sugar anyway. L had ordered a coffee, a strawberry milkshake and two different sodas. Their table was a forest of paper cups.

Light sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Do you have anything to say about our situation at all?"

"I find it irritating."

"A masterful deduction, if I may say so."

"I think we are going to die."

Light frowned. "I wouldn't go that far."

"It seems undeniable," said L gnomically. "Neither of us are well equipped to overpower and kill other people. It is likely that we will be killed instead."

"We won't have to fight anyone," said Light, somewhat annoyed. "Either of us on our own could run rings around the rest of the world — I'm sure you won't deny that. Now that we are loosely on the same side, how can anyone at all hope to stand against us? L, the idea is _absurd_. You are too intelligent to contemplate such base things."

"You think we're going to win." L seemed more distant than usual.

"Yes. We are going to win. Put it in your diary: it's happening."

There was a long pause.

"They said we were equally corrupt," said L.

"Yes," said Light.

L's milkshake hissed quietly. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Light considered this. "Is it anything to do with taking over the world?"

"No."

"Is it that the Management of this game must be gods?"

"Yes." L unwrapped his cheeseburger and devoted two minutes to removing the cheese.

"I can see your point." Light gave a business-like nod, although he knew L wasn't watching. "That would be a reasonable assumption. When Kira and L were at their greatest, the only people who supported neither one of us were the Death Gods. It seems plausible that the supposed neutrality of this "Management" is a similar case. And it becomes even more probable when you consider the supposed existence of this "Warp Note". It is by no means certain, but I can see no other explanation at the moment. Can you?"

"Regrettably, no."

"Regrettably?"

"I have no wish to investigate any more gods," was all L would say.

He was already getting to his feet. "I am ordering some more food," he explained. "The amount of money I have with me is sufficiently large to cover this. I have enough for two weeks food, and I believe I can secure a place for us to live while we find another source of income."

"I'm fine." Light waved his hand. "I'm a light eater."

"Nothing?"

"Hm. Perhaps just a lemonade, please."

L returned with six new drinks and a tray that was solid with red and white cardboard.

"Thanks," said Light, doubtfully.

"If you become hungry during the time taken for me to eat these things, you may feel free to eat some of these fries." L indicated a specific packet of fries. "You will find the others disagreeably sugary. Likewise, you should not try to sample any of my soft drinks."

"You shouldn't exist on fast food," said Light, yawning ambitiously.

"I find it pleasant."

"You will develop a poor metabolism."

"I've never heard you mention this before," said L gravely.

"Well, I was an international fugitive. Then I was in solitary confinement. Then I removed my memories. Then we were handcuffed together for a while. To be perfectly frank, I had a lot on my mind."

"So many new things I am discovering about Yagami-kun," L told his food.

* * *

On the street, as L dialled a payphone, Light paused at a dark corner, and watched rainwater pouring into a grating.

"Hello Ryuk." He said, to empty space.

A tangle of black drifted down from the guttering. It was grinning.

"Hello Light. How are things these days?"

An apple changed hands and disappeared swiftly into the shinigami's jack-o-lantern mouth.

"Quite fair," said Light, sipping from his can. "I have recently identified a way to kill L."

**END OF PART 1**

* * *

Afterword: this is only a first draft, but I quite like it. I have solid planning for 29 chapters of this story (mostly longer than this one, especially in the grand finale, but some are shorter also) and it's fun enough to write, so I could continue it without much effort if I wanted to. But it's a bit strange in parts, so if no one likes this chapter I'll probably keep the rest to myself.

If you did like it, or even if you didn't, please leave a review. I always enjoy reading what other people think about Light and L as characters, and about Death Note in general.

In particular, I'm very interesting to see if reading this chapter made anyone else as hungry as me. x_X


	2. S1E2: Harmony

The second player arrived in a similar street, later that night. He wore a dark yellow suit.

On arriving, he approached a stranger to ask the time, and persuaded him to lend him his coat, his phone, and most of his money. The two of them then spoke to a pair of hungover politicians in a gloomy café, and persuaded them to join their cause.

The four of them visited a police station. When they came out, they had nearly two dozen new friends, who were themselves spreading out into the night to find more.

The man in the dark yellow suit pooled the money of his friends and purchased a rather nice looking building. A number of his friends then set to work redecorating it. They produced computers, furniture and new phone lines. Three of his policemen, now looking increasingly tired, were fabricating a history for him. By morning, his name would be known to every governor, celebrity and industrialist of the city, and the time would be ripe to unveil his campaign for office.

This seemed to be a very satisfactory result for three hours' work, and with this in mind the man in the dark yellow suit went to bed.

* * *

At the same time, Yagami Light was getting out of bed.

L had found them a hotel room. He always could. There had been a quiet room to go to, and a deeply inviting bed, but Light had been unable to sleep for more than a few vanishing moments. It was like jet-lag. His body had been thrown out of sync.

So he got up, and padded out into the main room. It was about time he got to work, anyway.

L was an island of shadow in the middle of the blue beam of the television. He hadn't moved since they'd gotten here. With all the other lights off, the screen was bright enough to hurt Light's eyes, but the sound was so low it was just a faint buzzing.

"Do you ever sleep?" he asked, seating himself beside a small coffee table in the corner of the room.

"Yes," said L. He was eating popcorn, which had apparently come from nowhere.

"Visibly?"

"It depends."

Light got tired of squinting, and switched the main light on. The hum of the light was eerily loud at this hour.

"Even if one of the other players _did _appear in the news," he said, as he returned to the sofa, "how would you know? Are you expecting them to have glowing outlines?"

"If they are attempting to find us, the quickest way would be to announce their presence."

"_We're _trying to find _them, _and we didn't do that."

"We're more cautious."

"Ah," said Light. "That is what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Yes?"

"I found something you might be interested in."

L looked up. Light was holding the Death Note.

"I thought," Light continued, "that in the interests of teamwork, we ought to decide what to do with this together."

L was silent for a moment. "Where was it?"

"I found it in my pocket. It wasn't there when we were in the real world."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. It could not have been there."

L seemed to be lost in thought. "This suggests that we were intended to have it. It was placed there by the Management."

"You think as I do."

"Which itself suggests that they intend us to use it," said L.

"Perhaps. Using it is another matter. That's why I brought it to you."

"Can I see it?"

"Sure." Light tossed it into his lap.

In that instant, a black shape appeared behind him.

L frowned at it. "Yagami-kun. You are accompanied by a Death God."

"Yes," said Light, without much interest. "He's called Ryuk. Say hello to L, Ryuk."

"Hello," said Ryuk, bowing like a court jester.

"You weren't going to tell me this?"

"I'm telling you now," said Light. "Not that there's anything to tell. He won't tell me anything about where we are, for some reason. I think he's scared."

"Sure," said Ryuk, who was now hovering upside down near the ceiling. "Petrified."

"Has he been here all along? When did he arrive?"

"He came here while I was asleep. About half an hour ago, maybe."

L ate some more popcorn. "Can he help us at all?"

"He could, but he won't. Death Gods are all like Rem was — none of them will help humans."

"Rem... So my theory, that the Note we found with Higuchi was not the only one, was correct? You are acquainted with two Death Gods, so you have had two Notes?"

"Yes. Ryuk was my Death God, and this is his Note. The other one was Misa's. I thought we established all this?"

"We have not established all this."

"You must have guessed most of it when we found ourselves here."

"I guessed. But I wasn't certain." L flicked the cover of the Note. "So this is the Note you expected Rem to write my name in?"

"Yeah yeah yeah," Light said dismissively. "That's ancient history."

"That was yesterday."

Light shrugged. "Close enough."

L gave up. "Ryuk?"

"Yes?"

"Where are we?"

"I tried that," said Light, becoming slightly impatient. "He won't say anything."

"I want to ask him myself. Ryuk, where are we?"

"Nowhere," said Ryuk indifferently.

"Nowhere?"

"Nowhere important. You're in a different world."

"And we knew that already," Light pointed out.

"Yagami-kun, I'm imploring you. Be quiet."

"And that's all I can tell you," said Ryuk.

"See?" Light said instantly. "He won't tell me anything."

L ignored him. "Why? What is to prevent you from talking to us?"

"It's none of my business," said the Death God. "This isn't my turf. As long as you're out here, you're on your own."

"You came here though, didn't you?" Light put in. "You knew how to get here, and no one stopped you."

"Death Gods can go anywhere," said Ryuk derisively. "We just fly between places. It doesn't mean I have any idea where you are now. I can't stay here for much longer, either."

"You're leaving? But you've barely just arrived."

"It's like this," said Ryuk, in a diplomatic voice. "You have my Death Note. Right? And I don't expect you to just give it back to me. Hah! You like it more than me anyway. But it's not good for a Death God to be without a Note. It's not really allowed. And it's undignified."

"It's never troubled you before."

Ryuk shrugged. "I had a spare."

"And now you don't?" Light was confused.

"I couldn't bring it here."

"Why not?"

"It's not my turf," Ryuk repeated.

That was the main problem, Light realized. Ryuk was loathe to remain in this world because he hadn't been able to bring his own Note. But why hadn't he? What power did that Management have that could match the gods of death?

"Fine," he said. "Go."

"Not just yet," Ryuk grinned. "I'm gathering apples."

"Right, right. I should have known." Light sighed. "Death Gods like apples," he explained, for L.

"I know," said L sourly. "You mentioned it."

"Really? When?"

"You had several prisoners write it on their walls before they died. It was very impressive."

"Oh yeah." Light couldn't help but smile. Ryuk had vanished into the night in search of his favorite spherical fruit.

"To return to the subject at hand," said L firmly, "might I ask what purpose you had in mind for the Death Note?"

"I intended us to decide together."

"But I'm sure you had an idea of your own."

"I did form the basic outline of a plan."

"I'm all ears."

"In fact," said Light. "It is a little more than an outline."

"I'm surprised," said L, unconvincingly.

"I'm sure you are. In fact, my plan concerns our escape from this game and this world. It concerns the mechanism that brought us here."

"The letter refers to it as a "Warp Note"," supplied L.

"Exactly," said Light. "I am confident that this is the answer to our predicament. I think that if there really is a Warp Note, then the name alone suggests that it is a _tool, _just like the Death Note. The implication is that _anyone _can use it. The implication is that, regardless of what the letter said, it is not irreversible. And therefore we can use it to go home."

"Yes," said L.

"And therefore we can use it to go home," repeated Light.

"I agree."

"What? What are you thinking now? You're wearing your "sceptical" look."

"I'm thinking that the problem is finding the Warp Note. We do not know any way to do that. And I do not have a sceptical look."

Light laughed coolly. "L, that's the easy part."

"Explain."

"All we have to do is win the game. The Management will almost certainly appear to us if we are the winners. And once they have, we can take the Note from them."

L thought about it. "That could work."

"Exactly."

"Have you considered that we might be under surveillance?"

"That expression right there is your sceptical look."

"Have you considered it?"

"Yes. But I doubt we can attract much attention simply by theorizing about how to escape the game. I would assume most players do that."

"Indeed," said L, to himself. "The only dangerous thing would be to say out loud how you intend to do it. How you intend to overpower the Management, in the final hour."

"Yes. You'll notice I haven't done that."

"But you do have an idea?"

"I certainly do."

"Can you assign a value to the probability of its success?"

Light winced. "I would say... sixty."

"Percent?"

"Yeah."

L chewed, and stared at a power socket.

"It's not perfect, I'll admit."

L swallowed. "Not perfect," he agreed. "But I can see no other alternative."

"Worth a try?" Light smiled wryly.

"Yes. I think it is worth a try."

"Excellent."

"And in that case, Yagami-kun," L turned to face him directly, "you had better tell me how you intend to win this game."

Light kept smiling. This was the fun part.

"We use the Death Note. You said yourself that the quickest way to find the other players was to announce our presence. So we'll do that. We'll announce our presence... as Kira."

"Kira."

"Yes."

"You mean, we will restart your campaign of industrial-scale murder against criminals."

"I sense a certain lack of enthusiasm in your response."

"Is that the essence of your suggestion?"

"Yes. My suggestion is that we, together, use the Death Note to purge society of the lowest depths of the criminal element. In doing so, we will force our opponents out of hiding, and make it easy to kill them, which we will do in exactly the same way."

"I see."

Light held up his hands. "I know what you're thinking. I know. But I'm not asking you to condone what I've done in the past, or to commit yourself to repeating the same events again. We would be approaching the matter as a partnership, as equals. It would be different. In our world, you were a policeman, and you intended to have me executed — you can't tell me you don't have any wish to make the world a better place, or that you are above killing. Right now I am offering you the chance to make this world a better place at your own discretion."

"I am not above killing," said L, evenly, "I admit that. But I am above what you have done. I am above murdering from afar, at that scale."

Light shrugged. "Then we'll do it at a smaller scale. No problem."

"I don't think you understand the enormity of what you're suggesting."

"Don't give me that, L." Light was disgusted. "You think you're an innocent bystander? You let people die so that you could prove Yotsuba were involved with Kira. You tortured Misa when you thought she could lead you to me. You sent Lind L. Taylor to die in your place. Was it worth it? Did you trade those innocent lives for something of equal value?"

"Misa is neither innocent nor dead."

"She was prepared to die because of what you did. She asked Rem to write her name in the Death

Note. Did you know that?"

L didn't reply. He was watching the screen again.

"I didn't think so." Light suddenly felt tired. "L, I'm going to bed. I'll see—"

"I accept," said L.

"Excuse me?"

"I accept your suggestion."

Light blinked. "Do you mean that?"

L turned back to face him. "I mean it. We will use the Death Note." His face was as unreadable as it had ever been.

Light wasn't sure what to say. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," said L. He was facing away again, writing very quickly on a lined pad. "I believe we have reached a working consensus, so I will make a broad schedule to express our current plans," he said, without looking up.

"Right. Good idea." Light felt like he was behind the times somewhat.

"Our intention is to establish the identity of Kira..."

"Yes."

"And use it to lure out the other players of this game..."

"Right."

"Kill them with the Death Note..."

"Yeah."

"And take the Warp Note from its owners when they emerge to recognise our victory."

"Yes."

L capped his pen. "Good." He looked up, and smiled. "I feel very optimistic about this."

"Good." Light was trying to keep his thoughts straight.

He had never, in his most self-indulgent moments, expected it to be this easy. He knew that becoming Kira was the only way they could play the game — the Management themselves appeared to have arranged it that way — but he had expected L to resist for longer. When it came to it, he'd barely objected at all. What possible reason did he have for agreeing so quickly? Had his entire moral outlook flipped over 180 degrees while they were talking?

There had to be a catch.

And there was. It came to him at once — L could allow him to use the Death Note as much as he liked, because when they returned to the real world, it would mean he was as good as convicted. L would no longer be struggling to explain the powers of the Death Note and the mentality of its owner — he would have days, maybe weeks, to watch Light and understand everything. There would be no tricking him again. In the real world, Kira would be defeated.

_But it doesn't matter, _he thought._ All I have to do is get you to write one name in the Death Note, and then I can wipe your memories. For you, there will be no Death Note. There will never have been a Death Note. Say goodbye to Amane Misa, Raye Penber and all the rest, L. Wave goodbye — it was all just a bad dream, and there is nothing left to worry about._

_And the rest is child's play. We will return to the real world, and you will clear my name. I can invent someone else to be Kira again, and we can march him away to the gallows together. It'll be televised._

_And then I can kill you. Because your real name is in the Warp Note._

He returned L's smile. "I'm glad. I feel optimistic as well."

**END OF PART 2**

* * *

Afterword: Not as much food in this chapter. Maybe I could throw in a few sweets? What do you think?

Updates for this story might be a bit random or delayed in future, because I am sometimes unexpectedly busy. This update itself is a bit random and delayed, actually. If it seems like I've disappeared, don't worry about it. I'll probably reappear later on.

If I've made any errors about the continuity of Death Note up to episode 25, please mention them. I think I've got everything so far, but it's hard to tell.


	3. S1E3: Metastasis

**DISCLAIMER APPEARS BELOW**

**

* * *

**In an inconsequential place, a man in a cheap purple suit came in from the rain.

The teller, alone in the room just a second ago, looked up and prepared to speak, but he breezed past and stood facing a mirror at the back of the room, preening and rearranging his clothes.

So she went back to work, and ignored him. There was no law, that she knew of, against combing your hair in a bank.

A few seconds later, more people came in, and she forgot all about the man in the purple suit. Instead, she was joined by a man in a battered raincoat and a stereotypical clown, complete with a conical hat and over-sized shoes. The hat had kept his facepaint from the worst of the rain, but it didn't seem to have improved his mood at all.

The two men approached together, but when they reached the teller's desk, the clown knocked the other man aside.

"Hey buddy, what —" the man began, and stopped as he noticed the gun.

The clown returned his attention to the teller.

"The money," he said. The skin around his facepaint was pink and hairless, like a balloon, and he breathed like a bellows.

She hesitated.

The gun came up, and stopped in front of her face. "Give me," he said, "the money."

The purple-suited man chose this moment, of all moments, to return to the desk.

"Well, well, well!" he drawled. "What a coincidence!"

He had returned from the mirror with his face daubed in grey-white facepaint, like a zombie from a B movie, and a blur of red straight across his lips. The effect was like a grotesque pastiche of a clown's makeup. It looked like a childish joke, but the man grinned with something close to joy.

At this point, the teller became sure she was dreaming.

The clown — the _real _clown — just stared at him. His anger had evaporated. He clearly had no idea how he should respond to this bizarre interruption.

His face decided for him, becoming pinker and angrier. "You think that's funny? You think that's funny?"

The Joker shrugged. "I don't really _do _funny."

He moved forward. His hand caught the clown's arm and pinned it behind him, with the ease and precision of a vet handling a cat. The gun fired uselessly, three times. His other hand reached the clown's neck, and his thumb closed the clown's windpipe like a paper bag. It was over in seconds.

The clown clawed and kicked. His fingernails tore the assailant's skin, and his boot smashed a shin, but he didn't have the strength or the composure to save himself. He ran out of air, and he died.

The teller stared as the Joker straightened up, and, with every appearance of mundane vanity, pulled his collar back into a reasonable shape. It didn't escape her notice that he had claimed the clown's gun.

But like something out of a bad joke, another gun appeared. This one was aimed directly at his chest, and belonged to the man in the raincoat. It was the same man who had arrived with the clown, but no trace remained of the person he had been then. He faced the Joker with the expression of a lifelong killer. His gun matched the clown's exactly, although it rested in a far more assured grip.

In that frozen moment, lasting no longer than half a second, the Joker realized, far too late, that this man was the clown's partner, and that he was about to die.

It was beautiful.

And then something strange happened. The man stumbled, clutching and clawing at his chest, and fell to the floor by way of his knees, which hit the tiles with a horrifying crack.

The gun spun across the floor. By the time it came to rest, the man in the raincoat was dead.

The Joker frowned, and prodded the man's shoulder with his shoe.

"That's interesting," he said, to no one in particular.

The teller stood up, at last. She felt like she hadn't used her muscles for years. Her veins seemed to have been filled with weedkiller, and she could hear her own pulse booming in her ear.

"What the hell just happened?" she managed.

"Heart attack," said the Joker, like a fisherman identifying a fish.

"And he's dead?"

The Joker smiled like splitting leather. "Yeah." He was already moving towards the door.

She stared. "You're... You're leaving?"

"Yup. Sorry. Things to do. People to see."

"You killed this man and now you're leaving?"

There was something in her voice that made him turn slightly, to see her. She was in front of the desk now, and she was holding the second gun.

"You should have killed me when you had the chance," she said, as the metal sections came together with a click.

"Oh yeah," said the Joker.

He shot her, and then he left the building.

**END OF PART 3**

* * *

Afterword: I'm back! ^_^ And I have more to post later! Thank you for all your kind reviews. They made me warm inside.

-SHC

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**DISCLAIMERS: I do not own Death Note. I do not own Batman.**


	4. S1E4: Kira

**DISCLAIMER APPEARS BELOW**

* * *

"—three men are dead in [name withheld] prison, following a—"

"—severe cardiac arrest, completely identical in every case—"

"—not currently known how the killer gained access—"

"—from an unknown assailant—"

"—fifty-one on monday alone—"

"—any of this be real? What organisation exists to verify—"

"—continues into the third week, and shows no sign of slowing—"

"—every country in the globe, save for Antarctica, has witnessed—"

"—and the media is talking about very little else—"

"—but every single one of them — _every single one, _I stress — was a convicted criminal—"

"—then out of some sense of... frustrated morality? Maybe even something like communal spirit? Are we intended to see this as—"

"—that no one has seen, no one has spoken to—"

"—but for the rest of us—"

"—really nothing to fear—"

"—he encircles the world—"

"—judgement? How can we even begin to—"

"—following blindly—"

"—after waiting for so long—"

"—from an unknown benefactor—"

"—our saviour—"

"—_Kira_."

**END OF PART 4**

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**DISCLAIMERS: I do not own Death Note.**

**

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**

**AFTERWORD**

Hello! I'm alive again! ^_^

This chapter may seem short, but I have a longer, better chapter waiting to be completed in the next few days to make up for it.

The last installment seems to have caused some confusion, so I guess I'd better start this one off by clarifying some things I should have explained properly the first time. This is my fault, and I apologise. Please bear with me while I sort it out.

**The most important thing:** The "game" that forms the main plotline is a staged conflict between the antagonists of four or five different stories. We've met three of them so far, but _only Light and L have any canonical history you need to know about_. Several of the other players are from obscure stories that I wouldn't expect everyone to know about, and for this reason every player character will be introduced from scratch. If you see a name you don't recognise, don't worry about it. All the information will be right here in the text.

**Second most important thing: **This story takes place in an entirely new world. It's closed off. The players arrive from pre-existing stories (most importantly, Death Note), but the worlds they come from will not be covered, and you don't have to worry about what's happening there. This isn't an insanely complicated story with lots of things happening in lots of parallel universes. ^_^ This also means we won't be meeting Near or Mello, which makes me sad. I like writing Mello. He's my favourite character whose name doesn't begin with the letter L.

**Third most important thing:** I'm really sorry I was too scatterbrained to impart the above information in the actual story I am supposed to be writing. I knew there was something wrong, but I just couldn't work out what it was, until I read your comments. If I ever go off the rails again, just nudge me gently and I'll try to get back on track.

I have no idea whether directly addressing readers like this is considered acceptable, or messy, or routine, or whatever, but I figure it can't do that much harm.

xxx

-Strawberry Heart Cheesecake.


	5. S1E5: L

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

It was past midnight, and the representatives of Interpol were gathering in a conference hall. In theory, there was a set agenda for the evening — they were there to discuss the matter of Kira, some very sensitive cases of corruption, and one missing person. In practise, there was only one name on anyone's lips, and for once it wasn't Kira.

"Who is L?" asked Michael, who was new.

"No one," said the Chief. In another world, he might have said something different.

"We're meeting with no one?" Michael smiled archly. He was a serious-looking young man with an angelic face and a new suit.

"Hah! That's almost certainly true. He just won't show up. It's so obvious. Every fibre of my person is anticipating this outcome."

"You think he's a... prank caller, or something? What kind of person would waste so much effort getting messages to Interpol for no reason?"

"An idiot. Michael, there is no possible way to follow up the message he sent us. The number of people who say "I can catch Kira" is extremely high. The number of people who have caught Kira is zero. There is no room for such a possibility."

"Is that what he said? "I can catch Kira"?"

The Chief frowned. "You don't know?"

"Well, I'm not nearly as important as you." Michael smiled to himself. "I only heard about it second-hand, and all I know is he got into the internal mail somehow and he wants to address us as a group."

"You think we'd turn out for those kind of parlour tricks? What he said was "I can give you Kira". Those exact words."

"I like this guy already."

"Surprising," said the Chief, sourly.

"Oh, come on! You can't tell me you're not in the least bit curious as to what he's planning to do?"

"Michael, he is planning to giggle for a few minutes in an empty room somewhere and then order pizza."

"You paint such vivid pictures, sir. But that wasn't the _entire _message, was it?"

"There was some other stuff about anonymity. He wants his name, his face and his location to remain secret. Don't ask how that works."

"He could use a phone?"

"This is a building full of people who trace phone calls for a living. Try harder."

"Well, I don't know. I assume someone else is handling this."

"A whole team of them. That's why the Toshiki building is still light."

Michael gave a low whistle. "All this for one guy? That guy who sent us typewritten letters? Your boss must think he's really on to something with this."

The Chief was unable to prevent himself from rolling his eyes. He didn't reply.

Michael grinned. "You're not happy about this L thing, are you? I can tell."

"I'll be much happier tomorrow morning, when the rest of you have come round to my way of thinking."

"So cynical. And yet, for some reason, _you're _the one who gets to talk to him when he gets here."

"_If _he gets here."

"You're made of stone, sir."

"Oh really?" The Chief treated him to a strange, twisted smile. "You think I'm being a grouchy old man right now, do you? Well let me tell you something, Micheal. Right now I am sad. Deeply sad. This is how low Kira has brought us — that a crank could cause this kind of chaos. That some guy with a computer and some time on his hands can make himself appear to be our saviour. I never thought I would see a day like this."

"A day like this?" Michael prompted, although he knew he shouldn't.

"If this trend continues," said the Chief, apparently to himself, "this could be the end of Interpol."

"You're being childish now."

The Chief gave him a cold look. "I know you don't realize this, but Interpol is not intended to operate in the same way that a school club does. Interpol is not intended to respond to chaos with screams and gossip and paranoia and fairy tales. Our job is to exchange chaos for order. Our job is to _remove _chaos. Do you think we can do that while we are behaving like this? Do you honestly think that?"

"I hope we are capable of maintaining order without losing our imaginations." Michael tried to make his voice as polite as possible. "Sir. I mean... if _we _can't do that, who can?"

But the Chief was no longer listening to him, because something was happening.

Someone new had arrived. The lights over the podium were getting brighter, and the a silence was settling over the room. A tall man was moving down the aisle towards the podium. He wore a hat and coat that engulfed his body completely, leaving nothing to see but shadows, and he carried a slim black computer under his arm.

"You are L?" said the Chief, when they were face to face... or near enough. The tone of his voice was sceptical in the extreme.

The figure shook its head. Instead of answering, it opened the laptop, revealing a screen that was blank but for one elaborately written letter, in white.

_"This man is my assistant,"_ said the computer, in a voice like overheated wires. The audio came through the public address system, and filled the room. _"His name is Light. He is my emissary into your organisation: a representation of me."_

The Chief smiled coolly at the melodrama of it. "Why do you need an emissary? Can't you meet us face to face, like an adult?"

_"I am not an adult," _said L.

A murmuring broke out.

"Quiet please," said the Chief, glancing across the room. "Can I ask you to explain yourself, Mr L? You seem to have us at a disadvantage."

_"In this room, I am nothing but the entity "L". I am not an adult, or a child, or a student, or a citizen, or a criminal. I am L, and nothing more."_

"To put it more concisely, you wish to be anonymous."

_"That is a fair summary."_

"Your wish is my command." The Chief waved his hands, as if casting a spell. "You're anonymous. But even given that, there is no reason to be so cautious. This is as safe a place as any in the world."

_"I agree entirely," _said L. _"But for entirely different reasons. I have reason to believe that all places have become equally unsafe for those who oppose Kira. I have reason to believe that Kira can kill any individual in any place, without even touching them."_

The murmuring became a hubbub. People began to stand up.

"Quiet!" The Chief pulled his microphone closer. "Quiet, please! There is no cause for such recklessness. Please remain seated, and conduct your business like civilized adults. Thank you."

_"You needn't worry about this too much," _L added, as an afterthought._ "Kira has established a pattern of killing criminals, and is unlikely to strike arbitrarily."_

"Your welcome is wearing very thin, Mr L. On what basis do you presume to tell us that Kira possesses unlimited magical powers? What is your reasoning? Where is your evidence?"

_ "All will be made clear very soon. But for now, there is one reason in particular for you to trust my judgement."_

"Which is?"

_ "I have already caught Kira once."_

This time, the response was complete silence, for about a second, before the room descended into furious whispers.

The Chief sighed, audibly. "I suppose it would be a waste of time to ask what you mean by that?"

_ "Not at all. I intend to give you a full and frank account. But not here. I will speak to you about this personally, in a few seconds, Tetsuro-san."_

The Chief frowned at the screen. "Me? Why me?"

_"Your men have been assigned to my project, to find and prosecute Kira. You have been assigned to lead them."_

"I was not consulted about this."

The whispers were getting louder. People were standing up and moving around, and this time no one told them to sit down.

_"You are about to be consulted. I am about to consult you. Please follow the instructions of my assistant. He will lead the way. But for now... bye."_

The screen went blank, and Light closed it.

And because he was Light, he couldn't help thinking to himself, with an inner smile: _"Just as planned..."_

**END OF PART 5  
**

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**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

**

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**AFTERWORD**

I'm thinking about updating this every tuesday. Or maybe a different day. What do you think? It might mean small chapters sometimes, but at least I'd be moving forwards. This chapter took a bit longer than I wanted it to take, so sorry about that. It shouldn't be so confusing to get simple things straight in my head. :(

Michael's name might look like it doesn't fit, but there's a reason for that. It's not just a random break from the Japanese naming. I'm going to try to be consistent with that, just because it seems neater.

Also, I wasn't sure what ranks Japanese police might have, or what each rank might entail, or how being a member of Interpol would affect that, so I just wrote "Chief". It's a bit generic, but it sounds policey, so it must be good! ^_^ He's pretty much Yagami Soichiro's replacement, in case you were wondering.

Merry Christmas (Nearly),

-Strawberry Heart Cheesecake


	6. S1E6: Attire

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

L heard Light arrive before he saw him.

"Where is our friend Mr Tetsuro?" he called, without looking up from his notes.

Light took off his immense coat and let it flop over the back of a chair. "He's coming in a few minutes. The security people are talking to him for some reason beyond my understanding. It takes them so long to do anything."

Light drifted past L, who was seated in the centre of the room, and started making tea.

L stared at him silently for a couple of seconds.

"Yagami-kun."

"Yes?"

"You are wearing a fetching pinafore for some reason."

Light sighed. "I am your assistant. I have taken the place of Watari. I'm taking this seriously."

"None of those sentences explained the pinafore."

"This is the appropriate dress for a male servant of this station."

"I dispute that."

"On what grounds?"

"On the grounds that your appearance is now overwhelmingly feminine."

Light rolled his eyes. "L, I do this out of deference to _tradition_. You have no understanding of tradition."

"You're kind to mention it."

"Particularly on the matter of clothing and self-presentation," Light went on.

"Oh, apparently there's more."

Light picked at L's collar and frowned. "A respected detective should present himself with a dignity that matches the respect society invests in him."

"Thank you for your input."

"I would allow that a private detective may have an unkempt appearance—"

"_Unkempt?_"

"—but you are now a trusted associate of the International Criminal Police Organization. There is more expected of you than you are providing."

"Watari has _never_ done anything like this."

"You should at least wear some kind of formal suit."

"I'll think about it."

Light smiled. "That's all I ask."

**END OF PART 6  
**

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**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

**

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**AFTERWORD**

We're totally updating on fridays now. I hope.

This chapter is a bit (!) short, and a bit out of character, but I still like it. And it's Christmas Eve, so it's OK.

Merry Christmas (again)!

-Strawberry Heart Cheesecake


	7. S1E7: Nucleus

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

Oba Tetsuro was surprised to find that "Light" was a bright young student. With the enormous murky coat gone, he seemed a foot shorter and at least five years younger. He was also proffering a cup of tea, which Tetsuro accepted gravely.

"Police Inspector Oba Tetsuro," he said, flipping open his ID with his free hand.

"Bang," said Light.

"Excuse me?"

"My employer, L, instructed me to give you a message if you volunteered your full name. The message was "bang"."

"I don't understand."

Light sighed. "No, me neither. Let's just put it behind us."

"I see." Tetsuro frowned.

"In any case, he is waiting in the next room. Do you have any communication devices with you?"

"Only a pager." He demonstrated.

"I'll take that," said Light, doing so. "It will be returned to you as soon as the meeting is over."

Tetsuro shrugged. "I don't even use it, really."

* * *

When they came in, L was finishing his tea. Light moved past and leaned over L's shoulder to retrieve his cup.

For some reason, the first thing Tetsuro noticed was how _similar _the two of them looked. The great detective L looked like a variation on his assistant — a boy of the same loose, athletic build, but with the appearance of pretty extreme sleep deprivation, and a permanent slouch.

And he was already adding sugar to a new cup of tea.

A lot of sugar.

Tetsuro caught himself staring, and reallocated his attention.

"Good evening, Tetsuro-san," said L. His eyes did not rise from the rose-patterned china cup, where the latest cube of sugar now stood just above the surface of the tea. He waited for it to subside, and then carefully added another one.

"My employer is an eternal optimist," said Light, sardonically.

"You _are _L, are you?"

"Yes."

Light coughed politely. "In fact, from now on, we would prefer if it you were to address him as "Ryuzaki". It is an old alias we have used."

"Ryuzaki."

"If you wouldn't mind."

Tetsuro shrugged. "It seems sensible. I'll bear it in mind."

"Thank you," said L. "I do have further security procedures to outline, if you have a moment."

"I'll get my notebook out, then."

"First of all, I cannot permit you to take notes on paper."

Tetsuro sighed. Light scooped the book from his fingers and consigned it to a green paper bag.

"I will expect you to commit your observations to memory alone. It is a necessary precaution that I impose on all my investigations."

"Fine. Anything else?"

"There is the issue of your identity, and the identities of your subordinates."

"You are referring to Kira's supposed ability to kill from a distance, which is dependant, supposedly, on knowledge of their name and appearance?"

"I suppose," said Light, before he could prevent himself.

"Be quiet, Light. Yes, Tetsuro-san. For obvious reasons, every man in this investigation must be able to obscure their identity."

"For obvious reasons."

"Yes. But for now, there is a more important issue to address."

"More important?"

"He means the tea," said Light, wearily. "Hold on. I'm working on it."

"Thank you," said L, flatly, pushing away his cup.

Tetsuro loosened his collar a little and prepared himself for a long evening.

**END OF PART 7  
**

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**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

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**AFTERWORD**

Another short chapter, but I like it.

Happy New Year!

-Strawberry Heart Cheesecake


	8. S1E8: ID

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

Tetsuro was cleaning his glasses.

"Do you remember why I came here?" he said.

L was eating a dessert that seemed to be made entirely out of syrup.

He didn't look up. "I told you I could explain Kira's dependence on names and faces."

"You told me you could explain why you seem to believe Kira _is _dependent on names and face."

"Yes."

"Whenever you're ready."

"You can not be expected to know what transpires at investigative headquarters," said L.

"That has little or nothing to do with my question."

"It does, obliquely. The information with which I bargained my way into this building is, in fact, commonly known to your superiors. Does that surprise you?"

Tetsuro shrugged. "Did you expect it to? Should I be shocked and injured that the greatest minds of the police force do not share their duties equally with me? No. It is the nature of the police force that such things are discussed in private."

"I agree."

"Of course."

"Yes."

"Now tell me everything they know."

L smiled. Despite the gravity of his voice, it was a childish expression.

"Nearly two weeks ago, an experiment was conducted. Several dangerous criminals were insulated from the press, in a highly exceptional manner, so that their personal information was unknown to the public."

"And you're going to tell me they're alive and well."

"They are alive and well."

"Good for them. That still falls far short of proof. The idea of names and faces has not even been suggested by such a story."

"Yes. The interesting part of this experiment is the section that was implemented incorrectly."

Tetsuro frowned. "Incorrectly?"

"One man was selected for the scheme and then rejected a day later. The news of his withdrawal from the scheme was not distributed very well, and as a result, his personal information was inconsistently concealed."

"I see where you're going with this."

"One newspaper reported his name, and printed a picture. He died on the day of publication. The gap between the news of his crime and the release of those details was five days. Five days in which Kira must have known of his crime, but was somehow unable to act."

"OK, OK. I see your point."

"Thank you. I thought you might."

"But in that case, why allow these details to be released at all? If Kira can't kill anyone without names and faces, we should just cut off that source of information. With the clearance of investigative headquarters, we can order a media blackout. No pictures will accompany news reports of the crimes Kira most abhors. When it becomes obvious that Kira cannot kill without those images, the media as a whole will consent to suppress them. Kira will be defeated."

L chewed, and started aligning his cutlery. "Your superiors have decided not to do that. I agree with them. I'm sure you have already guessed this."

"Yes."

"Kira would not allow such a thing," L went on. "Without the means to kill criminals, he will begin killing blindly."

"Why? Why would he do such a thing, as a supposed agent of justice?"

"Kira is utterly ruthless," said Light, casually. "An advanced pragmatist. If we attempt to shut off his sources of information, he will show us that such things can't bind him."

"I'd like to hear L's answer, if you please."

"Kira is immature," said L, promptly. "And hates to lose."

"And ruthless," added Light.

"You can see this pattern throughout his behavior. Killing criminals in order to help society is the act of man with a childlike moral code. We cannot expect a mature response."

Tetsuro didn't seem convinced. "I don't see how you can reason all this based on so little information."

"He is also immature," said Light, cheerfully. "And hates to lose."

"Exactly," said L, with apparent seriousness.

**END OF PART 8  
**

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**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

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**AFTERWORD**

Another short one. I may have forgotten it was a friday...

-SHC


	9. S1E9: Player Two

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

"Very impressive," said Light, when they were finally alone.

"Impressive?"

"Very."

L met his eyes, cautiously. "What is very impressive?"

"Your web of lies", said Light, smiling enormously. "It's very impressive."

"You're referring to what I told Mr Tetsuro."

"Absolutely. I particularly like how you tested him, to see if he would believe his bosses would withhold information from him, and then you let him believe they already know how the Death Note works. Audacious, useful, and virtually impossible for him to disprove. A magnificent lie."

L was staring at him. In their makeshift headquarters, lit only by a muted plasma screen that was tuned to L's favourite 24-hour news channel, his face was even harder to read than usual.

"We agreed to combine our talents," he said. "We agreed that I would act as the great detective L. However, in this world I no longer have my valuable reputation, so I am forced to establish a new one through deception. I see nothing amusing about this."

"I never suggested it was amusing, L, I said it was impressive. You're impressive. I'm impressed."

"The tone of your voice suggests that you are amused."

"I assure you, you have misread me."

"You continue to sound amused."

"You're imagining things."

"You winked at me. Do not wink at me." L glowered at his colleague. "If you wish to criticize me, Yagami-kun, please do so in clear logical terms."

Light smiled peacefully. "All I mean to suggest is that your facade of righteousness is now paper-thin, and I find it entertaining."

"My facade of righteousness."

"Exactly."

"You are a hypocrite," said L, with detached precision.

"Wrong. I'm fully aware of my flaws, Ryuzaki. You are not."

L shrugged. "You cannot provoke me. I am not like you. I have never owned a Death Note."

"Maybe you should have a... Lie Note." Light trailed off, lamely.

"A Lie Note?"

Light nodded. "A Lie Note."

"How would a Lie Note work?"

"You write lies in it..." He paused.

"Please continue," said L, gravely.

"...and they fail to be true."

L thought about this.

"That would just be a Note," he said, eventually.

"It would say "Lie Note" on the front."

"That still does not distinguish it from an ordinary note."

"It would be owned and governed by a Lie God."

"You are prevaricating."

"The Lie God would be empowered to replace the tongues of ordinary mortals with silver ones, should they wish it. Doing such a thing would shorten their word count by half."

L stared gloomily into space. "Please go and bring Tetsuro back."

* * *

Oba Tetsuro was now fairly resigned to arbitrarily moving backwards and forwards between rooms at L's whim, and he didn't even manage his usual sigh when he returned.

"And?" he prompted.

"You are not Kira," said L.

"I suspected as much."

"You sound annoyed, but it is a vital procedure."

"I don't doubt that. I only wish you'd done... whatever it is you just did... a little earlier. What exactly did you do, by the way? Why did my ability to loiter in a cloakroom convince you that I am not Kira?"

"A long time ago, I developed a trick to force Kira to drop his disguise. So far, I have not had to use it."

"You haven't used it? So why am I not Kira?"

"I feel embarrassed to tell you this, but... you cannot be Kira because Kira is asleep."

Tetsuro blinked. "I'm sorry?"

"Light? Please activate the projector."

L's assistant flicked a switch. A faint rectangle of light appeared on the wall opposite them.

The next second, the lights were dimmed, and the picture became clear.

"Yes?" said Tetsuro, uncertainly. "It's a chart. There are no axes."

"This chart is not important. It is the rate at which Kira commits murders."

"That's not important?"

"Not in a relative sense. Light, please progress to the next slide."

Click.

"It's a waffle."

"No."

"A series of windows?"

"This chart represents the same data as the previous one... but it is arranged in a different manner."

"So I see. It's broken up into days. So why does it form a neat series of squares?"

"The darkness of the shading in this chart represents the frequency of Kira's murders, on average, during each one-minute period of the week. The shading is so precisely organized because the frequency remains more-or-less constant for each of these one-minute periods. Kira's behaviour is predictable based on the day of the week and the time of day."

"Are you serious?"

"I am perfectly serious."

"If you're right, that's extraordinary. Simply extraordinary. But..."

"You are confused by the squares."

"Yes! The shading forms squares that are larger than the one-minute units, but overwhelmingly distinct. Why does Kira's activity change so dramatically by the hour?"

"What you are looking at," said L, quietly, "is a student's lesson planner."

Tetsuro was staring at him.

"You see now why I told you that Kira is asleep."

"Kira... is a student?"

"It is beyond doubt. Given his personal conduct, he is most likely in late adolescence. I suspect that Kira would have preferred to hide this from us, but was ultimately unable. It seems his powers do not stretch to choosing the time at which his victims will die. It isn't much, but it brings us one step closer to finding him."

Tetsuro sat down, staring into space.

"Mr L, if this is true... if we can believe this... then you've cut the distance between us and Kira in half. Kira isn't an abstract notion any more. He's a real person, who can really be caught."

"Yes," said L. "And we will catch him."

In the next few seconds, Tetsuro stood up, crossed the room, and was shaking L's hand, and talking about something, but Light didn't see any of that, because he was rolling his eyes in the dark.

* * *

When the door closed on Tetsuro, Light was behind it, wearing an expression of dull disdain. L observed that it was the only expression that really suited his face.

"You're getting in the way," he said, falling back into the white leather sofa.

"Yes," said L. "That will happen a lot."

"We agreed that Kira should operate without interference."

L shrugged. "He will, as far as it's possible. But the investigation required that I make some motions towards capturing him."

"You're cutting it too closely. You've given Interpol too many clues as to my identity. If they actually had a brain cell between them I would be in custody right now."

L smiled. "I'm curious, Yagami-kun. If I were still investigating you as before, and there were no Warp Note, how would you feel about this current situation?"

Light's eyes narrowed. What was L thinking?

"I would be uncomfortable. You would seem to be getting closer to me."

"Is this more-or-less how things went in our world?"

Light's lip curled. This was better territory. "You mean before we met? Absolutely. I established myself as Kira, and you seemed to narrow the investigation down based more on guesswork than anything else."

"Guesswork."

"Yes, Ryuzaki, guesswork. There is no legitimate way you could have known I was a student. You merely leaped to a conclusion and rationalized it afterwards. It is by far your biggest weakness."

L seemed surprised, but it was filtered through his usual grave expression. "You know Light, you don't have to call me Ryuzaki here. There is very little risk of anyone investigating my identity in this world."

"You're right." Light smiled. "So what should I call you?"

"L is sufficient."

"Really? Isn't it about time you told me your real name?"

"L is sufficient," said L, going back to his notes.

Light sighed inwardly. _Why did I think that would work?_

_More importantly, why does L act as if I'm plotting to kill him?_

_ I _am _plotting to kill him, _he reminded himself.

_But even so! It's a matter of courtesy. He's plotting to kill me as well, after all, and that doesn't stop me being polite to him._

_ Where did he actually get that dessert from? Really?_

"They're talking about us," said L, motionlessly watching the screen.

"Excuse me?"

"Kira. They're talking about Kira."

The TV showed a man addressing a crowd.

"I should have guessed you could lipread," said Light, sourly.

He flicked the volume up to normal.

"—is not our friend. He is a petty criminal, of the same rank as any thug on the street. Our duty, as a moral society, is to treat him as we would treat any criminal."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Light, instantly bored. "I've heard this all before."

"Do you think this isn't worth our interest?"

"Definitely. It's boilerplate. All Kira's opponents talk like that. Even _you_ couldn't listen to it for long without tuning it out. I guarantee it."

"Kira's other opponents did not have metal teeth."

Light paused.

"I seem to have misheard you," he said, turning back to his partner, in the light end of the room.

"Look closely at this man," said L. There was not a trace of humor in his voice.

Light did as requested.

The yellow-suited man on the screen talked very animatedly, even if his words were so dull. As L had suggested, there was a flash of metal every time his mouth was open enough to show teeth.

"Yes," said Light, after a while. "He has metal teeth. His teeth are made of metal. Metal are his teeth. What do you expect me to do about this?"

"He has metal teeth, a mechanical hand, and eyes made of plastic," said L.

There was a full three seconds of silence.

"...Yes," said Light. "He does. He actually does. What the hell is going on here?"

"I don't know."

"Who _is _that?"

"I don't know. He is running for Mayor. He hates Kira. That is all."

"And he has metal teeth."

"Yes, apparently he has metal teeth."

Light suddenly saw what L had expected him to think. "You think he's one of the other players," he said. "You think he was brought to this world by the same mechanism that we were."

"The thought did cross my mind."

Light sighed, relieved to be back on less surreal territory. "Well, why didn't you say so? Do you see his name anywhere?"

"It's on those... banner... things," said L. "How do you feel about killing him?"

"I feel surprisingly OK about it." Light was already flipping through the Death Note, and humming to himself.

"You're really going to do it." L was staring at him again. "He's right there, and you're going to kill him."

"Yep," said Light.

He wrote the man's name — being very careful about the odd spelling — and closed the Note.

"You've written his name," said L. "How does this work? What happens now?"

"There is a delay of forty seconds," said Light, comfortably, "and then he dies."

"So we just wait?" Light had never heard L's voice this uncertain. For some reason, it made him very happy.

"Yes," he said, serenely. "We wait."

The forty seconds passed.

The man at the podium died.

Light wondered vaguely what it would be like to see such things with fresh eyes. In the course of his career as Kira, he had witnessed the deaths of so many people that the whole thing was utterly stale to him. The clutching and spinning and bulging eyes were so predictable that he almost felt like he couldn't see them. They went straight past and vanished from his memory. And it wasn't that he didn't care about death, it was just a mundane biological reaction to over-familiarity. So there it is. It was sad, he supposed, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Unfortunately for him, on this occasion there _was _something new to see.

There was still movement at the podium.

As everyone watched, the man in yellow got to his feet and brushed himself down. He was still smiling.

"Don't worry," said the man in yellow. "I'm fine. Bear with me."

There were raised voices from the crowd.

"Please take your seats," said the man in yellow. "I felt a little under the weather just now, but I assure you it has passed. Everything is under control, and the rest of my speech will continue as planned. Do sit down."

He gave them a mild smile.

He sipped from a glass of water, and rearranged the typed sheets of his speech.

"Ladies and gentlemen," said the man in yellow, "I must admit, I had an ulterior motive for appearing here today. I wanted to entice Kira to attack me, and I wanted to show you what it looks like when Kira fails. As you'll observe, Kira has tried to kill me, but I am still alive."

There was an awed silence.

"I am still alive," said the man at the podium, "because I am not human. Kira cannot kill me. Nothing can kill me."

At this, the crowd cheered.

Light was sure he was asleep. This could only be a nightmare. He could not feel any part of his body.

"Can they even hear him?" he said, to no one in particular. His voice sounded shaky, even to his own ears. "Why are they cheering?"

"I don't know," said L, flatly. "It would be difficult to confirm, but I feel that they are not hearing the same words that we hear." He turned to Light, his black eyes solid and motionless as they ever had been. "But is it true?" he said.

Light was rubbing his eyes. He felt like he'd been awake for weeks. "Is what true?"

"Yagami-kun," said L, very slowly, "can the Death Note only kill humans?"

Light stared at him.

"The human whose name is written in this note shall die," he quoted, from memory. He didn't even hear the words.

"The human," repeated L. "Then he was right. The Note can only kill humans."

"No," said Light, calmly. "This is impossible. He is tricking us. The Note can't fail."

"Pardon me, Yagami-kun, but you seem to be wrong. This is not our world, but it is reality, nonetheless. We are stuck with this. I can appreciate you are worried, but try to remain sensible."

"But the Death Note—"

"Is now useless. Please be quiet, I am trying to listen to this speech."

The man in yellow was still talking. He hadn't been interrupted.

"Kira," he said, staring directly into the camera. "You seem to think of yourself as a good candidate for godhood. And perhaps you are... I wouldn't know. But you're out of your depth in this world. I am already a god. Do bear that in mind."

He winked at them-

-and returned his attention to the crowd around him. Once again, they didn't seem to have heard what he'd said. It was like he'd been speaking directly to Light and L, in their half-lit hotel room.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he said, "_this _is my campaign. This is what you will be voting for. I will bring this criminal to justice, and prove that no one is above the law. If you give me the rope, I will hang Kira."

"Vote for Palmer Eldritch," he said.

He gave a statesmenlike bow of the head, and left the podium. There was applause, but Light didn't hear it.

_Palmer Eldritch?_

_Who the hell is Palmer Eldritch?_

**END OF PART 9  
**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Three Stigmata Of Palmer Eldritch  
**

**

* * *

**

**AFTERWORD**

First and foremost, the idea of Kira's activity resembling a lesson planner is taken from the live action Death Note movie. It's their idea and I am in no way taking credit for it.

Secondly, this is actually the longest update I've made so far, so I guess we're back to full-sized updates... although I don't know how long that'll last. And isn't it nice to see the actual plot again? ^_^

And thirdly... do you remember when I mentioned that I had a plan for this story that covered 29 chapters? Guess where we are in that plan.

We have just come to the end of my notes for chapter 2.

So yeah. This may take a while.

Merry January!

-SHC


	10. S1E10: Regrouping

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

"Yagami-kun, please try to retain a little perspective. You've been unable to use the Death Note for approximately fifteen minutes and you're already despondent. It's unseemly."

"We've been confronted by a dangerous enemy," said Light, annoyed. "I think my reaction is proportionate."

"Why? This man is dangerous, but he has no idea who we are. Right now we are essentially safe."

"He declared war on Kira," said Light, patiently.

"There is that," L conceded.

"Right now what we need most of all is weaponry. Of some kind. We have Interpol on our side now, right? Can we borrow anything from them?"

"Interpol is a cooperative group of senior police officers," said L, flatly. "Not a standing army."

"You're saying it doesn't have any weapons."

"To the best of my knowledge, it does not own or deal in any type of firearms, no. We could conceivably obtain firearms from ordinary police officers, but I'd rather we didn't."

"What? Why?"

"I don't think you should have a gun," said L, simply. "It would not be good for you. No, I recommend we pursue this matter with our wits alone."

Light gave him a level look. "It has not escaped my notice that this quandary has made you considerably more cheerful."

L smiled. "I enjoy exercising my logical faculties. It is a good state to be in — the state of pursuing your interests with no weaponry besides your brain. It keeps you grounded in reality, it encourages you to see other people as equals, and it provides invaluable nourishment for your intellect. This is my ground state, and I encourage you to study it and enjoy its benefits."

"Thanks. You're too kind."

"In contrast, I did not enjoy sanctioning the murder of hundreds of people."

"Give it time. You get used to it."

"No. Already I see that your way of doing things is not for me. I am quite happy with our current predicament."

"A godlike being has declared his intention to execute us. What exactly would it take to make you _un_happy with our situation?"

"I have dealt with godlike beings before."

"I'm flattered."

"I was not necessarily referring to you. I have encountered a surprising number of godlike beings in my career."

"Now you're trying to make me jealous. But all this talk of your intellectual preferences can't disguise the fact that we are facing an opponent we have no obvious way of defeating. We can't kill Palmer Eldritch, so what, in your ineffable wisdom, do you suggest we do about him, L?"

"What else?" said L, with a trace of a smile. "We are going to work for him."

Light regarded him. "I hope you mean that as some sort of joke."

"We agreed that we, as a pair, would take control of both Kira and Kira's opposition. We agreed that we would use the Death Note as you did in our world, but also establish ourselves as detectives on Kira's trail, as I did in our world. As far as I can see, Palmer Eldritch's appearance does not change anything. If we were to continue as we agreed, it would mean establishing an alliance with him, as he is now Kira's most prominent opponent."

"Can you see any flaw in that plan? Any at all?"

"The fact that it is extremely dangerous?"

"Precisely!"

"Any response to this predicament will inevitably be dangerous, Yagami-kun. This course of action is less dangerous in the long run, as it makes it more difficult for Palmer Eldritch to discover our hidden identity."

"Which of our many hidden identities are you referring to?"

"I mean our hidden identity as Kira. Presenting ourselves as detectives searching for Kira obscures the truth of the matter, as we discussed."

"I understand." Light sighed. "But I don't like this."

"I realize this means leaving your comfort zone."

"Don't taunt me."

"I am not taunting you. I am expressing sympathy. I realize you prefer to conduct your business at an arm's length, with the Death Note as your primary tool, and I sympathize with the confusion you must be experiencing."

"You're loving this. I can tell."

"As I said, I am happy with our current situation."

"I shouldn't be surprised, really," said Light sourly. "You have nothing to lose if Kira is caught, after all."

"Don't be facetious. Obviously our position is the same, as it has been stipulated that we play this game as a single player. If you die, I die. If you are endangered, I am endangered. I have not expressed any wish to part from you, since such a thing would be impossible. Please stop feeling sorry for yourself."

"Feeling sorry for myself."

"Repeating my words back to me will not change anything."

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm just irritated that you would sling such a juvenile insult at me."

"I meant it as an observation, not an insult. In fact, it is my considered opinion that we waste too much time with insults and bickering. I, for one, would be happy to conduct our business without any bickering. I bear you no ill will, Light, and I do not wish to spend my waking hours trading insults with you."

"No ill will besides your intention to bring me to justice and witness my execution."

"I'm sure you have similar intentions towards me."

"Perish the thought."

"In any case, I would appreciate it if you would make your objection to my plan clear, rather than being purely disruptive."

Light smiled at him. "Since you asked so nicely, I'll give it a shot. My objection is that you're bringing us closer to Palmer Eldritch without any consideration for how we can actually fight him. My objection is that I am now facing an opponent who is somehow impossible to kill, and you don't seem to care."

"Impossible to kill? Why do you say that? All we know is that the Death Note cannot kill him. That doesn't mean the same is true of, say, an ordinary knife."

"A knife?" repeated Light, with casual disdain. "I don't stab people."

"If you want to kill him, you may have to."

"I have no experience with killing people in person, and I like it that way. Everything I did to disrupt your investigation was based on the power of the Note. Even if I could, I would never have just killed you with my bare hands. I'm not just a murderer. I have my pride."

"But you do want to kill him?"

"Absolutely."

L sighed. "It may be a moot point. He said he was a god. Perhaps he really cannot be killed in any way."

"Gods can be killed as well," said Light, without thinking.

L looked straight at him. "They can?"

"...Yes."

"Would you care to explain further?" said L, after another short silence.

"There is a method of killing Death Gods," said Light, reluctantly. "I found it out from Rem."

"Misa's Death God."

"Yes. That Rem."

"How did this subject arise?" prompted L, as if working through a series of internal notes. "Do you think this information was credible?"

"Rem knew a Death God who died this way. It seems credible."

"I see." L closed his eyes.

Light drummed his fingers on the armrest of his chair. "It's not direct, like killing a human. It relies on a very exact circumstance, which the Death God itself can influence to some extent."

"And this circumstance is?"

"Love," said Light, watching L's reaction carefully. "A Death God dies if they use the Death Note to extend a human's lifespan, and the only reason they would do this is love. Their death, in that circumstance, is as exact and predictable as the death of any other person killed by the Note."

L was silent for a while. "This does not advance us much."

"No. I highly doubt that man is a Death God."

"I could conjecture a situation in which we profit by using this method to blackmail one of the Death Gods we already know."

"All the Death Gods we know are currently unavailable," said Light, marvelling at how close L's improvised plan was to the one that had come so close to killing him.

"This would also involve inducing one of those Death Gods to fall in love, which is highly problematic in of itself."

"Ryuk falling in love?" Light actually laughed, without any affectation. "Yet another impossible task. I'll add it to the list, shall I?"

"We have a list?" said L, uncertainly.

"A list of impossible tasks."

L gave him a very odd look. "Do we have a list of that description?"

"It's a joke, L. I was referring to the fact that our survival in this situation seems to rely on us being able to perform miracles."

"I see," said L, crabbily. "You were not sufficiently clear."

"No. Obviously not."

"I do have a sense of humor," L continued, without prompting. He was having a hard time hiding his irritation.

"I have never suggested otherwise," said Light, sunnily. "More tea?"

"I have enough tea currently."

Light yawned. "Is it too early for coffee?"

"I am not sure whether four in the morning would be considered early or late. It is something of a conundrum."

"It's not too early for me," said Light, getting up. "Let's get started on this Eldritch thing. We'll call it an early start."

**END OF PART 10  
**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Three Stigmata Of Palmer Eldritch  
**

**

* * *

**

**AFTERWORD**

Not that long, but not too short, either.

I am tired and exhausted, and stuff. X_x

Merry continuing-January!

-SHC


	11. S1E11: Message

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

Notice, to whom it may concern,

The departmental reorganisation begins in earnest on the 14th of this month, with the opening of a new office in the [name redacted] area. Employees whose names appear on the attached list will be expected at this address for the duration of their currently registered shifts, during which time they will be assigned to Superintendent Oba Tetsuro. This new department, the "Special Provision for Kira", will be a cooperative effort between the Tokyo Metropolitan Police and the representatives of a private detective firm, and will take on the Kira case, as well as several related cases (see attached sheet 1). Assignment to the SPK implies changes to your pay, your schedule, and the essential activities of your job (see attached sheet 2).

OBA TETSURO, head of department.

"RYUZAKI", lead consultant.

"RAITO", consultant.

MICHAEL UMLAUF, senior member.

INOUE ISHIN, member.

NISHIO TOSHIKI, member.

ARAKI KENJI, member.

KANEKO AYA, member.

**END OF PART 11  
**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

**

* * *

**

**AFTERWORD**

I'm very sorry. This week, I had a huge burst of inspiration, and a half-dozen great ideas, but they are all for things I can't write about for weeks. So while the plot for events a long way away is much clearer than it used to be, the plot for things that should be happening now continues to be murky and difficult to get through. For this reason, I ended up posting a very small amount of what I was working on, because it's the only thing that's finished. I'm also posting this at nearly exactly midnight, which is cutting it fine, even for me.

-SHC


	12. S1E12: The SPK

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

"Wrong. From now on, this _is _your ID. When people ask you for your ID, you give them this. When you quote information from your ID, you quote from this. It's your ID. I don't know how else to approach this concept, Aya."

"It's a fake."

"Yes, it's a fake."

"We _arrest _people for using fake IDs. It's sort of against the law."

"Have you ever arrested someone for using a fake ID?"

"No."

"Well then."

Kaneko Aya gave her boss a narrow look. "You seem to have taken a hop, a skip and a jump from "not worth arresting" to "recommended behaviour for police officers"."

"You're right," said Tetsuro. "It's illegal. It's wrong. But the fact remains, if we use our real IDs, we will die. Kira will kill us."

"It's not that I think this is illegal, sir. It's just that I'm... disappointed."

"Aya, I'd like you to imagine that you want to draw a Venn diagram consisting of two circles labelled "illegal behaviour" and "disappointing behaviour". To what extent do you think these circles overlap?"

"Fairly closely, actually."

"No, no, no, no. Absolutely not. Aya, if you are seriously interested in a career in the police force, you have to understand that there is an insuperable gap between your disapproval and genuine illegality. However you feel on the matter, you must never allow yourself to confuse those two things. Do you follow?"

"I already have a career in the police force, actually. But yes, I follow."

"Thank you. That's all I will ever ask of you."

"Let's express _this _point with a diagram of you lecturing me."

"If it helps."

"It does, sir. Really. Where is Michael, by the way? How did you get this ID thing past him?"

"Mr Umlauf is on an errand from Light. He's looking at china, or something equally irritating."

"I haven't met Light. What sort of person is he?"

"He is the sort of person who asks Michael to look at china."

"Right. But is he trustworthy? Do you trust him?"

"No."

Aya waited, but that seemed to be it. "Really? Not at all?"

"As far as I can see, he is quite unpleasant. He's sharp enough, but his manner is too conceited. But, fortunately for us, the investigation into Kira can be conducted without it ever being necessary to trust Light. After all, who is Light, in the scheme of things? He is just L's maid."

"So Michael isn't coming. How will we cope without him?"

"I'll tell him you said that."

"I told him when he left. I thought he took it well. But seriously, if we're missing Ishin, and Kenji, and Michael, what exactly are we doing tonight?"

"We're moving in. That's all. The investigation only starts tomorrow morning. Right now we're moving things from the old office."

"Things? Which things?"

"Filing cabinets. Yellow sticky paper. That kind of thing."

"You don't use any of that."

"No, but I'm sure it exists. But more importantly, we need Ishin's hard drive. It has all our records concerning registered deaths in the past six months. Before we do anything else, I need someone to go and get it."

"Light's there already. I'll get him to do it."

"Actually, I'd like you to do it, Aya. Light isn't there right now. He's with Ryuzaki. They're going into the city."

"They're not coming either? Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"What could be more important than meeting his new team?"

"Measuring the city, apparently."

"Measuring the city?"

"With tape measures. Yes."

* * *

The automatic doors opened.

L reached the outside world and stopped, frowning at the wide, empty night.

Light grinned. "You forgot something very important."

"Yes."

"You want to travel a sizeable distance, but you have no car, no money, and no one who knows you. Except for some detectives. Shall I call the detectives?"

"On this occasion I will not summon the detectives."

"Very good. Would you prefer it if I carried you?"

"No. For this task, I intend to travel by bike."

"Do you even know how to ride a bike?"

"Why would you assume I don't, Yagami-kun?"

"Your whole posture screams "I do not ride a bike". You sit in a permanently tensed position, and very rarely move in an assured, or natural way. Moreover, bikes cannot be combined with constant eating."

"I was a competitive cyclist for a brief period, in fact. I only gave it up in order to focus on tennis."

"Of course. From now on, whenever a competitive pastime is mentioned, I will just assume you were once a virtuoso in that field. It will save us both a lot of time."

"That would be inaccurate. I am unskilled in diving, and swimming in general."

"Do you actually have a bike?"

"We both do. I asked Tetsuro-san to provide us with them."

"And where are they?"

"They are one mile away, in a place called [name redacted]."

"So we're walking to our bikes. At past midnight, we're walking across the city to get to our mode of transport, so we can start measuring things for reasons you have yet to explain to me."

"We're walking."

"Great. Just checking."

**END OF PART 12  
**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

**

* * *

**

**AFTERWORD**

A little longer, but still not ideal. I had lots of other things to put in this episode, but they're not finished, so I'll save them for next week. Hurrah.

-SHC


	13. S1E13: How To Measure A City

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

"I forget what the point of this was," said Light, for the second time.

"I never told you."

"Oh yes, of course. It's all coming back to me now."

They were halfway across the city, waiting at the roadside for a gap in the traffic. Light struggled to remember what it felt like to be warm.

"Were you going to tell me at some point?" he added.

"Yes. Do you remember we decided that the Management were gods, analogous to the shinigami we encountered previously?"

"Who could forget?"

"I intend to find them."

Light watched the rushing lights for a couple of seconds.

"By measuring the streets of Tokyo?"

"Exactly."

"You left out the part where that makes sense."

"You have enough information to work it out. I'll explain when we're there."

"Didn't we agree we were going to win the game before looking for the Management?"

"That was part of your plan, which relied heavily on the use of the Death Note. As that tool seems not to be functioning on the very first opponent we've found, I would consider it wise to move seamlessly into a slightly different plan."

"You're ditching my plan and starting your own," said Light, without much enthusiasm.

"Yes," said L. "Have a candy-cane."

"Thank you."

Light put it in his pocket, in case he needed it later. L took the second one and bit into it.

"In essence," L explained, "I think I know how to find the Management, and I think we should confront them as soon as possible. I have no confidence in our ability to defeat Palmer Eldritch, as I think he is probably immortal. These are my thoughts."

"How soon is "as soon as possible"?"

"Very, very soon."

"How soon? Sooner than your next snack break?"

"No. You'll see when we've finished measuring. Be patient."

* * *

To Light's disgust, cycling proved to be just as cold as walking.

* * *

"This diagram explains our route, and the details we should be recording along the way."

"How thoughtful."

"We are not measuring very much. Only the dimensions of the paved area along this street."

"That's a long street."

"Yes. I chose this one because I recall what the dimensions should be. I don't recall any others."

"We're stuck with this street."

"Yes."

"Great."

* * *

"We need more tape," said Light.

"You're right. We will need to obtain tape."

"We have no money," said Light.

"You're right. We will need to obtain money."

"Surprise."

"In fact, I have been working on this problem since we arrived here, and I believe I have a fairly solid solution."

"OK. Just remember that stealing is wrong."

"I do remember that. Thank you for your support."

* * *

"I would never have believed that an activity based on aerobics could have yielded us so much money."

"Nonetheless, it did."

"Let's celebrate by never referring to this incident again."

"Agreed."

* * *

"OK, so we have tape..."

"We have tape."

"What now?"

"Ice cream," said L, firmly.

"There are no ice cream vendors in the vicinity. Except the one you're indicating, which is a statistical anomaly."

* * *

Light licked his ice cream.

"I've come to believe," said Light, after a while, "that the litmus test for good architecture is whether it can incorporate formal principles with the same methodology with which it incorporates intuitive reasoning."

L licked his ice cream.

* * *

"Right. We've measured this street. We're cold. We've been here for hours. We've been stared at by every single passerby. I think we're finished."

"We are essentially finished, yes."

"So tell me your secret plan before I kill you."

L smiled. "What do you know about onmyodo?"

"Nothing. Less than nothing."

"But you know broadly what it is?"

"Folk magic. Fortune telling, that kind of thing."

"Very succinct. Now let me tell you something. At the beginning of my investigation into Kira, I prepared notes on a type of spirit associated with onmyodo, as I believed such a being was involved. As it happened, I was wrong, and the information was never used, but I believe we are now witnessing the subject at hand. The signs are unmistakable."

Light frowned. "You think the Management are spirits? Like the shinigami, but from a different branch of myths?"

"Yes. I have always wondered whether the existence of the shinigami implies the existence of other mythical creatures, and now I think the question has been answered."

"So what, specifically, are we dealing with here?"

"_Shikigami," _said L. "Spirits that are made of paper, animated by words, and bound to a written contract."

"Shikigami," Light repeated. It sounded horribly plausible. "And so their "Warp Note" is...?"

"In folk tales, the shinigami's powers were undefined and without limit, but in reality they were bound to an ordinary object with predictible, deterministic properties. Likewise, I would guess that the shikigami are not a generic supernatural creature, but actually a race of spirits who possess one item of functional magic."

Light nodded immediately. "Right. The Death Gods' abilities are all in the Note, and its the same for the Warp Gods."

"I must assume so. However, I find this idea disturbing."

"Why? It's the most solid idea we've had in a long time, L."

L stopped walking, and looked up, into the murky sky. He was quiet for a moment, as if carefully composing his words.

"In the myths of onmyodo, the powers of a shikigami are concerned with paper, and contracts. If their power is expressed purely through a Note, like the Death Note, that would imply that its function is to make contracts between people."

"Yes. And?"

"We were brought here by the Warp Note, Yagami. That means a contract is being made between us and its owner. That is what the games of the Management must boil down to — the players who were brought to this world are being prepared for a contract between them and a group of shikigami we cannot see. We may already be bound, or we may at this minute be accepting the contract. There is no way of knowing, and there is no way of knowing what the contract is intended to do. That is why it is disturbing — because it implies that we have already lost, and that there is no way out."

**END OF PART 13  
**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own... Japanese mythology?  
**

**

* * *

**

**AFTERWORD**

Did I just write a montage? O_o

Thirteen episodes in, and we're just now learning what the title means. ^_^

-SHC


	14. S1E14: Valentine's Day 2011

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

"Oh, by the way," said Light, "someone left you some chocolates."

"Chocolates?"

"In a sort of heart-shaped red thing."

"You mean a box."

"No, boxes aren't this glittery."

L took the chocolates from him, and scrutinized them.

"This is a valentine," he concluded.

Light was shocked. "Who would stoop that low?"

L ignored him. "It is addressed to "L"," he said.

"Yes," said Light. "The police just bring us everything addressed to L now. It's kind of annoying."

"Did this arrive on Monday?"

"Yes. It's been on the table, in between that pizza and the other pizza."

"And you waited four days to mention it?"

"I suppose I did. Is that a problem?"

"No. Not really."

"It sounds like a problem."

"I dislike Fridays. They annoy me. They're everywhere. Like mice."

"Hmmm," said Light. "You have a point. Lately it seems like it's Friday a lot of the time. How does that work?"

"Well, clearly important things only happen to us on Fridays."

"What about the triathlon?"

"That wasn't on a Friday," said L. "And it didn't happen."

"I'm calling your bluff. I could do something tomorrow if I wanted."

"Do so."

"I will."

"Good."

"Not tomorrow. Sunday."

"Oh, so now it's Sunday?"

"Yes. I will do something on Sunday."

"What will you do?"

"I will mow our lawn."

"We do not have a lawn, of any description. Even a small one."

"You don't know where it is."

"You appear to be constructing an elaborate excuse."

"Look, L, it's not my fault if you don't know where our lawn is."

"I do not know where our lawn is. Please tell me where our lawn is."

"When I mow it, I will escort you there."

"Thank you. I look forward to it."

"You should. It'll be epic. And it'll happen on a Sunday."

"How will you avoid being murdered by Palmer Eldritch while you are mowing this lawn on a Sunday?"

"I don't think he cares about me mowing my lawn on a Sunday."

"Assume, for the sake of argument, that he cares about you mowing your lawn on a Sunday. Not only does he despise gardening, in all its forms, he loathes the seventh day of the week. When he sees you _mowing your lawn on a Sunday_, he takes leave of his senses."

"What a weird thing to assume."

"Just assume it."

"I'm assuming it."

"Good. What will you do in this situation?"

"I will strike him with my lawnmower." Light demonstrated, with his hands.

"..."

"But only hard enough to knock him out."

"Why would you strike someone with a lawnmower? I can't even visualize that happening. I can't even visualize that happening in _Bleach_. Why would you do that?"

"It's the only weapon I have to hand. And I know he's not expecting it."

"He's not expecting it because it's impossible. _I'm_ not expecting it. But in any case, my point was simply that you should be careful whenever you're outside. We have enemies in this world."

"We have enemies in this room."

"There is no need for that."

"I refer only to the pizza," said Light. "Please do something about the pizza."

"I will do something about the pizza."

"Thank you."

"Please inform me of the delivery of chocolates before they are stale."

"I'll try," said Light.

"Did you see them arrive?"

"No. They were just there. I didn't even realize they were for you until about three minutes ago."

"But who were they from?"

"I refuse to participate in such a clichéd conversation, L. You can conduct this investigation on your own."

"Yagami, we know approximately four people. Finding the culprit should not be a demanding task."

"Well," said Light, with a grin. "This doesn't interest me at all, but I can immediately see one common factor."

"Yes?"

"Everyone you know is male."

"...Yes."

Light just grinned some more.

"Stop that. You are being immature."

"What? What am I doing?"

"There is no reason to find homosexual attraction inherently amusing. It is quite prejudiced of you. I'm surprised, and disappointed."

"You're evasive, and blushing."

"I can assure you, Yagami Light, I am not blushing. I am perfectly aware of my own physiology. You are attempting to provoke me by stating obvious untruths, but I refuse to be drawn."

"OK, whatever." Light tired of his fun. "Do you want to pursue this seriously? There is a very small chance this is the work of one of the other players, intending to poison us, or something."

"So small as to be negligible, I think. If this is a trap of some kind, it is a very poor one."

"I'll send them to the lab, at least. We should see we were intended to eat."

"Mainly orange cream filling, it seems." L was reading the underside of the lid. "These are certainly not to my taste."

"I never realized you were so picky."

"My tastes are fairly indiscriminate in the field of confectionery, but I cannot stand orange cream. I think I have mentioned that even to you."

"You mention it every time we're vaguely in the proximity of chocolate."

L lifted up a hazelnut swirl and tilted it. "So it is inexplicable that anyone we knew sent this. The culprit cannot be someone connected with us."

"I'm sure they'd be thrilled to be described as "the culprit"."

"They should have been resigned to that title from the moment they chose to send me orange cream."

"That's not really fair," said Light, coldly. "Some people like orange cream."

"Who are these people?"

"Me. I love orange cream. Deal with it."

L looked at him for a long, silent moment.

"Yagami-kun. Is it possible that the letter "L" written on this label is actually the initial of _your_ name?"

"Uh. I guess. That would make sense."

L looked back at the label. He never seemed to look at anything for a short amount of time. Something either absorbed his entire attention, or it didn't. For him, there was nothing in between. Right now, these chocolates were somehow the most important object in the world.

"Then who in this world knows you well enough to send you your favorite type of chocolates?"

"No one," said Light. "That isn't a hyperbole. There literally isn't anyone here I have mentioned orange cream to. Ryuk was here for five minutes, but we've never discussed chocolate."

"Then this lacks an explanation."

"You're ignoring the obvious," said Light, wearily. "This is an anonymous gift for you, from someone who knows you only as a name in a newspaper. It is not meant for me, because there is no one here who knows us."

L replaced the box on the table. "I expect you're right," he lied.

**END OF EPISODE 14  
**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

**

* * *

**

**AFTERWORD**

Oh good, another mystery. We were running out.

Next week we actually find out why we spent a month measuring a city. I'm as surprised as you! ^^

-Stealing Her Coat


	15. S1E15: Yes, This Is What I Meant

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

"You are mowing the lawn," said L, dismally.

"Indeed I am!"

Light reached a corner, and turned. He did it jauntily, which is quite difficult when you're pushing a lawnmower.

"Where are we?" L shaded his eyes to look at the sky. "Is this purgatory?"

"This is a little garden in the middle of Tetsuro's police station. It's quite nice, isn't it? A bit gloomy, but nice."

"You said this was "our lawn". In what sense is it ours?"

"In the sense that shut up," said Light. "Also, you'll notice that we're technically outside but actually safely within the confines of a private building."

"I did notice that. That is why I am sitting on a bench, rather than, for example, hiding."

"You wouldn't actually hide if we went outside."

"I would hide."

"Coward," said Light, as he walked very slowly past.

**END OF EPISODE 15  
**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

**

* * *

**

**AFTERWORD**

Light is serious more often than you might think.

This isn't the next update. This is just a tiny extra bit I made just for you, because I wanted to. If you haven't read the previous chapter, this will make less than no sense, and you will probably be very disoriented.

By the way, L owns a sunhat.

-Someone Has Cake


	16. S1E16: We Are Reasonable People

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

"The measurements are complete," said L.

"Good times," said Light, from underneath a duvet.

"I expect to collect the results very soon."

"Sanctum of rocking," said Light.

L thought at about that, and decided that there was no obvious way to respond.

"Wake up," he said.

"I _am_ awake," said Light, "but I have made an intellectual decision to remain lying down, under the covers, with my eyes closed."

"That is a mistake."

"If you allow me half an hour of silence, I will prepare a short speech to illuminate my reasoning."

"Get up," said L.

Light sat up, disentangling himself from the bedclothes, and faced L, who was crouching on a chair, in classic L fashion.

"Aren't you interested in our results?" said L. "Aren't you interested in the reasoning behind my project to measure parts of the city?"

"I was interested at first," said Light. "Then I was amused, bored, abstracted, vengeful and appalled."

"I don't remember any of those things."

"And after that, I was asleep. Asleep, because I was sleeping, in the sense of not being awake. Right here. In this bed. Sleeping."

"Yes," said L.

Light gave him a glittering smile. "Well, I'm glad we had this discussion. Goodnight!"

He went back to bed.

"Get up," said L.

Light got up.

"I think you should know," he said, "it can be very unhealthy to interfere with your natural sleep cycle. It can cause dizziness, hypertropia, prolonged spells of nausea, and general anxiety."

"That is only partly correct," said L, severely.

"Let's compromise," said Light. "I'll lie down here, and you can explain your theories. That way we'll both be happy."

"You'll be asleep."

"Ergo, happy."

"It will take me less than one minute to explain."

"Great!" Light beamed. "Do it now. While you explain, I will be gradually leaning backwards, like the sun setting at the end of a beautiful day."

"The information I have written here is useless in itself. But if my research on the folk tales of shikigami was accurate, they possess the ability to know when someone is writing about them, or about their possessions. By that principle, they will detect this, and will attempt to find out what it is, thus revealing themselves to us. You will immediately see that we had to measure the city to do this, because it is the only possession of theirs that we know of. If there is no intervention, I will conclude that shikigami probably are not involved in this matter."

"Too slow!" said Light, slightly muffled. "I was already under here when you finished."

"That was not at all gradual."

"I can no longer hear you," said Light. "Please come back later."

L gave up.

**END OF EPISODE 16  
**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

**

* * *

**

**AFTERWORD**

I might update again on Sunday. It would make sense, since I have a long unfinished section that was supposed to go on the end of this chapter.

-So Have Cress!


	17. S1E17: Light Revisited

_Another small update. In the last episode, Light said things in his sleep. Today we're going to revisit that moment a few times. This isn't actually happening, so I guess it's an omake.  
_

_-SHC_

* * *

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

**VERSION 1**

"The measurements are complete," said L.

"Good times," said Light, from underneath a duvet.

"I expect to collect the results very soon," continued L.

"I'm asleep. This is me, asleep in a bed. Observe."

"These results, to be collected imminently, will concern the shikigami whose existence I have hypothesized," continued L.

"Naturally I can't reply to that, because I'm asleep."

"And given the nature of my measurements, it is quite likely that we will shortly be in a position to make a calculated deduction on the nature of the aforementioned shikigami," continued L.

"Regretfully, my state of sleep continues. Please leave a message."

"This deduction will most likely allow us to strike back at our captors," continued L.

"Oh my god why is this not working."

"It is indeed possible that we may be able to return to the real world in a few short hours," continued L.

"Shut up shut up shut up shut up."

"However, we should always be aware of the strength of our evidence, and how confident it permits us to be of our conclusions," continued L.

Light made a noise somewhat like an elk being strangled.

* * *

**VERSION 2  
**

"I expect to collect the results very soon," said L.

"I borrowed your sunhat."

L sat silently for a moment, and then turned to face the sky.

"Lord Shiva," he said. "Lend me your strength, and bear witness to the slaughter of my enemy."

* * *

**VERSION 3  
**

"I expect to collect the results very soon," said L.

"I borrowed Misa's sunhat."

_"Why?"_

"Politics," said Light, mysteriously.

L sat silently for a moment, and then turned to face the sky.

"Lord Shiva—"

"Stop! We have enough mythology already!"

* * *

**VERSION 4  
**

"I expect to collect the results very soon."

"I grin at thee, grinning whale."

"What."

* * *

**VERSION 5  
**

"I expect to collect the results very soon," said L.

"L...?" Light was sitting up, and smiling.

"Yes, Yagami?"

Light leaned closer until his lips were beside L's ear, and said: _"I'm writing this fic."_

—

L woke with a full-body spasm. It was three AM, and he was bathed in a cold sweat.

Yagami Light was sound asleep, on the other side of the room.

L allowed himself a relieved sigh, and went back to sleep.

**END OF EPISODE 17  
**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

**

* * *

**

_It's true. I am Yagami Light. :3_

_(Lies)  
_

_-Sunhats Have Come_


	18. S1E18: Within Zero

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

Light got up, left his bed, and took a shower.

It was a beautiful morning!

When he got back into the main room of their hotel suite, L was still nowhere to be seen. Instead, there was a red folded card on the semi-circular coffee table.

He opened it.

He read it.

He blinked, looked straight ahead at the wall for a second, and then read it again.

* * *

They met in the hall, when Light left the room. L was pushing a steel trolley that had apparently come from the kitchens.

"You burned our measurements?" said Light, before anything else.

"I am making breakfast," said L, tiredly. "But yes. Do not discuss these things in the hallway of a hotel."

"Are you suffering from an unusually disorienting fever?"

"Possibly. I would not put a high likelihood on it, but it is difficult to dismiss, speaking objectively."

"You're not helping."

They both went back into the room, with the trolley ahead of them. L sat at the foot of the bed, and opened a packet of cereal.

"Go on then," said Light. "Explain."

"The shikigami didn't come," said L, bluntly. "But the principle by which a shikigami detects someone writing about them may still exist. If it is not going to benefit us in the way I outlined, it is somewhat unwise to possess materials that attract their attention."

"Two days, L. We've been waiting for two days. That's nothing."

"I am impulsive," said L, without much concern.

"You're dangerous," said Light, sincerely. "Do you really think we've conclusively dismissed the possibility of using this method in the space of two days? That's not even long enough to dismiss the possibility of alien abduction."

"You're right," said L. "It was not long enough. My reaction is one of pride. I felt that the lack of success we experienced here reflected badly on my skills as a detective. I felt that to continue along that avenue was to invite ridicule. So I called off the experiment. We will investigate other avenues. Have some cereal."

L stared at him for six long seconds, sighed inwardly, and poured himself some cereal.

"Thank you," said L. "And good morning, by the way. Did you sleep well?"

"You're an idiot, you know that?"

"We have a guest," L informed him. "Kaneko-san arrested a shoplifter outside [name redacted]. He was already wanted for identity theft, so he is to be kept in our cells at the SPK offices until another department comes to collect him. But there's a problem: we can't get his records from Interpol."

"Do we need to get his records?"

L looked at him. Light could have sworn he was hiding a smile. "If we want to use the Death Note, we need his name."

There was a pause.

Light shrugged. "Sure. But we don't need to use the Death Note, because we've already arrested him. Arresting criminals is actually fine by me, L. Also, who's Kaneko?"

"Kaneko Aya is a member of the SPK. Tetsuro's closest deputy. You must remember that."

"One of the people we selected?"

"Obviously."

"They were all so dull. I forgot them as soon as it was finalized."

"Please try to at least remember the most important ones."

"I will," lied Light, easily. "Was that the only reason you wanted Interpol's records? Is there any real legal reason we should want them?"

"No. No part of the prosecution process absolutely requires the information we are missing. People can be tried with placeholder names, and so on. It was Kira's reaction to his crime that concerned me."

"You're taking Kira pretty seriously, then."

"Of course," said L. "And I have prepared a solution to our problem concerning this particular criminal."

L's hand dipped into his pocket and came out holding a gun.

Time may as well have stopped, because neither of them moved or spoke for at least four seconds.

"This is a test," said Light.

"Of course," said L.

More silence.

"So it's meaningless."

"No. It's real. Use this gun to kill the man in the cell."

Light met L's eyes without flinching, and said: "No."

"I see no reason to refuse. You intend to kill all criminals."

"Not necessarily as soon as I meet them! It's entirely acceptable to defer individual cases if it isn't prudent to pursue them immediately."

"It is prudent in this case. If you kill this man, there will be no consequences. Do you really think it would be hard to conceal from the others?"

"It's messy."

As soon as Light said it, he knew it was a mistake. L didn't even have to reply to press his advantage — he just gave Light a disappointed look.

"I mean it's imprecise," Light continued.

"Do you think death is ever _neat_, Yagami?"

"Death by means of the Death Note is fairly neat. I don't mean it's neat for the victim, L, so stop looking at me like that. I am not a child. I meant simply that it is neat from our perspective, as it allows us a clear view of what evidence we have left. Murdering someone with a gun is completely different."

"I notice you finally use the word "murder"."

"Yes. Murder. Killing someone is murder. Did you think I would be frightened of the word? Calling it murder does not imply, in of itself, that the act is unjustifiable."

L smiled. As far as Light could tell, there was genuine warmth in that expression, but he had no idea why. "This test has nothing to do with justification, Yagami-kun. Assume, for now, that your actions are completely justified. The Death Note is fine, and moral. Use that principle outside the established method. Use this gun to kill the man in the cell."

"No."

"Why not?"

"It is imprecise."

"I will take care of everything after the murder," suggested L, helpfully. "For your part, you just use this gun to kill the man in the cell, and—"

"Stop saying that!"

Light's voice seemed strained, which annoyed him, because he knew he was quite calm.

"You cannot force me to kill anyone," he continued, in his normal, measured voice. "And I have refused, so please drop the subject now."

"Of course, Yagami-kun," said L, quite peacefully. "I apologize. It was not my intention to upset you."

"You didn't upset me," said Light, before he could stop himself.

He took the gun from L, and placed it in a drawer.

He shut the drawer.

"Of course," said L.

Light kept himself silent. The silence stayed with them as they left the hotel and made their way towards the SPK's office.

* * *

Light realized something was wrong as soon as the doors opened.

The reception area looked the same as it had before, and the air was the same temperature as before, and Inoue Ishin was sat behind the reception desk as before, but despite all that, Light felt as if he'd just stepped into a nightmare.

He followed L across the powder blue carpet, fighting the impulse to turn and run away.

"L," he said, a note of warning in his voice. "Wait a second, would you?"

L stopped, and turned slightly. Light could tell from his face that he was feeling the same thing.

"Can you smell that?" said L.

Light had never heard alarm in L's voice before.

"Yes," said Light. He'd just realized himself. "What _is _it? It's like... warm metal. Tin."

From the corner of his eye, he saw something odd.

Turning, he reappraised the sight of Inoue Ishin sitting at his desk.

But how silly.

It wasn't Inoue Ishin after all.

It was just part of him.

His torso.

Propped up, against the back of the chair, like a teddy bear.

L had seen it too. They two of them stood motionless for a few seconds.

"Hi!" said someone, behind them.

It was L's unidentified criminal. A man in a purple suit and smudged makeup, who was smiling like a carnivore.

He crossed the room slowly and insolently, like the flame on a trail of gunpowder.

"Hey," he said, in a rich, friendly voice. "Are you guys here to see Michael?"

Light had never thought so fast in his life.

The man didn't know who they were.

They were just kids, as far as he could tell.

He didn't seem to realize they'd seen Inoue.

"Yeah," said Light, in a bored, normal voice. "He was meant to meet us outside about ten minutes ago. Sorry to bother you," he added, layering the words so that they sounded casually insincere.

"Not at all," the Joker grinned some more. "I can't bear to see anyone stood up. If I see Michael, I'll give him hell for you."

"He's not here either?" Light was disappointed.

"Nope."

L and Light shared a look.

"I guess he's at home sick," said L. Light marvelled at how perfectly L had mimicked Light's "casual" voice. Light had spent a bored couple of hours developing his version, one evening when he'd missed the right train several years ago, but L had picked it up instantly, just by trying. It hardly seemed fair.

"That wouldn't be anything new." Light rolled his eyes.

They were already walking away. Light would have liked to say something like "I guess we'll go without him", but he'd decided this would be a little too unnatural, and L seemed to have agreed. The two of them, in character, simply deserted the Joker in the middle of the reception, and left the building.

Light tried hard not to notice that the carpet of the adjoining room was somehow stained red across the space of at least six square meters.

They walked all the way to the end of the street before breaking into a run.

* * *

Ninety seconds later, L was able to activate a signal he'd prepared, via his cellphone, which reached the three members of the SPK who hadn't been in the office when the Joker had escaped his cell.

They returned to the offices.

They brought armed police officers.

They searched the building.

And although they built a very detailed picture of exactly how each person had died, they did not find the killer. He was already a very long way away, and in possession of all the records the SPK had collected for the Kira case, on one small hard drive.

**END OF EPISODE 18 (FRI MARCH 04 2011)  
**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Batman.**

**

* * *

**

I'm fifteen minutes late. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry ._.

[EDIT made 2 hours later:]

You all ignored my rubbish update, so I wrote a real update this week.

That'll teach you. :p

[/EDIT]

-Sinking Here, Constantly_  
_


	19. S1E19: Collection of Dead States

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

As it had turned out, Kaneko was still alive when they secured the building, although she was unconscious and still losing blood. The paramedics were amazing.

Inoue and Araki were dead.

Light, L, Tetsuro, Michael and Nishio were in a hospital ward, sitting around a covered bed and a machine that hissed. Kaneko was in there somewhere.

Besides the hiss, and voices heard through the walls, there was no sound.

They didn't talk.

_This is your fault, _said something inside Light. _You stopped thinking, didn't you? You identified one enemy and let yourself believe he was the only threat, didn't you? I hope you understand, even if you adapt quickly, you are too late. Two people are dead, because of you. Two people are dead because they trusted you._

_Which of my internal critics are you? _Light asked himself, trying to think of this as an amusing mental excursion, and failing.

_I am the expectation you have failed to meet, _said the voice._ I am your disappointment. Is this too much for you?_

_ This is nothing, _thought Light. _You should meet my dietary neuroses. They make you look warm and cuddly._

_ You attempt to distract yourself. It won't work; you are too self-aware._

_I'm not attempting to distract myself, _thought Light. _I'm fully aware of what has happened. You don't have to labor the point._

_ You have framed it as an abstract concept, but you don't seem to have truly realized that two people are dead because of you._

_I'm Kira! People tend to die around me! It would be weird if they didn't!_

_You're not Kira, _said the voice. _You're Yagami Light._

_ You must be new here. _Light managed a mental smirk._ Hi there, I'm Kira. I render judgement upon the world. I provide the absolute counterpoint to the decay of society. No man stands above me. Nothing can stop me. Do you follow, so far?_

_ That's a good summary, _said the voice. _But the thing is, Light... that isn't you. That's me._

_You're becoming pitiful. _Light rolled his eyes. _You're not Kira. You're not autonomous, or even vaguely close, despite your endearing pretensions. You are a mental puppet I use to cross-examine my thoughts, and nothing more. You say nothing that I have not chosen for you to say. You're the same voice I use to get myself to brush my teeth. You're the same voice I use for physics revision._

_Certainly I am only your puppet, but I embody the will of Kira and you do not. _

_You give me no reason to believe you._

_If no man stands above Kira, _said the voice. _It would follow that you yourself are only a servant of Kira. Kira is your ideal of justice. Not you. And Kira, despite being imaginary, is independent enough to condemn you if you stray from the ideal. But I can see you have trouble admitting this, so I'll put it another way. Answer this question: do you think Kira is the whole of you, or only part of you? And if Kira is only a part of you, which part do you think that is?_

_ Nothing more than my common decency, _thought Light, easily.

_Wrong, _said Kira.

* * *

...

...

...

* * *

Some time had passed. Nothing had been done.

Light was strangely thirsty. Like he'd forgotten he had a mouth and stomach for a long time.

The canteen was empty, but the plasma screen in the corner still shone, casting blue and white across the whole room.

Light sat down.

The TV showed golf. He wasn't watching. He stared at his hands.

Then, there had been a news report. The reporter had seemed quite worried.

And then they cut to a phone-call from a viewer.

_"Hey, Kira," _said the Joker. _"Do that thing where you kill me without being here."_

Light looked up from his unpunctured milk carton, and stared, like a sleepwalker, at the screen. It was so bright he couldn't even make it into shapes.

_"Go on, I want you to. Hit me with your best shot."_

Silence.

"_I am a criminal and I must be punished. Yes? That's how it works, right? So go on, kill me. Give me a heart attack. I'm just waiting here."_

More silence.

Light couldn't kill him, and he knew that, but he also knew there were any number of things he _could _do, and instead of doing them, he was just sitting there, staring, feeling like he didn't want to play at being Kira any more, and feeling like he wanted to go to sleep.

_"Nothing?"_

More silence. There were voices from the rest of the hospital, but those stopped as well.

_"Nothing? Not even high blood pressure?"_

More silence.

_"I'm disappointed, Kira. I guess you can't kill me after all. You're such a tease, Kira. Didn't ya care about those people? They were only doing their jobs. They didn't really have anything against you. They're the police... they believe in doing things they don't believe in. It's kinda... sad, but you can't really hold it against them. They don't know any better."_

More silence.

_"Well then."_ The Joker cleared his throat. _"I think we can... _conclude_ now that Mr Kira is not going to kill me with his magic powers. I'm not bad enough, or he just flat-out can't do it. Either way, not _in keeping_ with your image, Kira. Really. So how about this: I will kill again. In fact, I'm gonna keep killing people — at a nice, smooth pace — until you have the guts to respond to me. I want to see you kill me, or I want to see you show your face in public. That's all I want. And until I get it, I'm going to keep killing, and people are gonna see you failing to stop me."_

_"That's, uh, basically it,"_ he added. _"It was nice talking to you. Let's do it again sometime."_

The news program stayed with the dial tone for ten whole seconds before daring to cut back to the studio.

Light slowly pushed the straw into his milk. His hands felt like they were full of heavy, wet sand.

The blue light was getting dimmer.

It was four thirty. The sun was rising.

**END OF EPISODE 19 (FRI MARCH 11 2011, 4:07 PM)  
**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Batman.**

* * *

Shorter than I thought it would be. But actually on time this week!

-Summer Holiday Cottage_  
_


	20. S1E20: Good Morning

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

"You're going to say he's just a random murderer," said Light, before L could answer. "You're going to say we already have at least two mortal enemies and that I'm letting myself get distracted. You're going to say that, but I want you to know, you're going to be wrong."

"Yes, yes, yes, no," said L. "Goodnight, Yagami-kun. You have witnessed a serious crime. Please try to get some sleep."

The hotel carpet hissed as the door passed over it, and it closed, leaving Light alone in the hall.

After a while, the light flicked off.

* * *

Light didn't sleep.

For a while, he was vaguely aware that this could be a serious problem.

And then he wasn't.

* * *

It was morning. They met at the breakfast table. Light was positively buoyant, like he'd actually gotten a good night's rest instead of taking notes pointlessly for hours.

L wouldn't be able to ignore him today.

"Good morning," he said, feeling his morning glow expand like a fire being nourished by logs.

L didn't say anything. He was holding a croissant like a remote control, apparently lost in thought.

Light waited for a few seconds, but nothing happened. "Is there a problem?" he prompted.

"Jam," said L.

"I see," said Light. And then, after a moment: "Although, to be completely honest, I might actually need a little bit more information than that."

"I have a very sophisticated protocol for selecting jam," said L, patiently. "Being aware that I am naturally biased towards raspberry jam, I try to skew my eating habits towards other flavors in the interests of maintaining a varied diet. To this end, I have developed a complex mathematical trick for remembering which flavor I selected last."

"So where's the problem?"

"I can't remember what it is," said L.

"Ah." Light massaged his eyelids.

"However," said L, "it is not that straightforward. I strongly suspect that I have accounted for this eventuality in the past. Knowing that I would forget the math, I must have made _the act of forgetting_ into a variable in another mathematical trick of even greater sophistication. Using this meta-trick, I will be able to carry out my jam selection as normal."

"And you can't remember that either," said Light.

"No," said L. "It's quite annoying."

"I used to have normal friends," said Light, to no one in particular.

**END OF EPISODE 20 (SAT MARCH 19 2011, 00:29 AM)  
**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Batman.**

* * *

This _is _a Friday update, btw, it's just late. Again. Sorry about that.

-Surely Headgear Counts?_  
_


	21. S1E21: The Magical Number Seven

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

L left the table to clear his thoughts. Light was draining the last of his coffee when he came back.

"Hello again," said Light. "Do you understand jam now?"

L sat down. "Yes," he said. "As it happens, the mnemonic I was trying to remember was a coded message I left to myself. The increasingly difficult-to-recall mathematical tricks were intended to remind me not to overthink things."

Light thought about this.

"But you alre—"

"I know," said L. "Please, let's just move on."

"OK," said Light, still feeling quite magnanimous. "Shall we discuss how to kill the Joker instead?"

"Unless you have developed shinigami eyes in the last hour, I see little we have not discussed."

"As it happens, there is another way to get his name. A very simple method, in fact. But I'm sure you will veto it."

"Is it an effective method?"

Light smiled grandly. "It is typical of Kira. Which is to say, it is very effective, but completely amoral."

"I will hear you out."

"We have someone else take the shinigami eyes. They can identify him."

"I veto this idea," said L, gloomily.

"I had a feeling you would."

"Aside from the morality of forcing someone to shorten their lifespan, I am wary of any plan that involves revealing the Death Note to anyone. It is already a high-wire act to act as both Kira and L. Bringing more variables into that situation is astoundingly unwise."

"You're right. But I weighed that risk against the advantage of removing the Joker in one move, and I still found the idea compelling. Even if you don't like the idea, I think we should leave it open to our consideration later on."

"Risk is only the most obvious problem. The most serious and inescapable problem is ethical in nature. You are taking someone's life for reasons of convenience, not law, and there is nothing that could move me to agree with you on this."

Light's magnanimity was swiftly evaporating. "Then why did you make such a song and dance about it before? Why invite me to shoot him if you're not prepared to use the Death Note?"

"The Death Note was irrelevant," said L. "I gave you the option of killing him, and you chose not to. That was the correct choice."

"It really wasn't. We only made that error because neither of us realized how dangerous he was."

L seemed unimpressed. "I did realize, in fact. I am not in the habit of inviting you to kill people on the spur of the moment. In my opinion he is a player selected by the Management just as we are. He would strike me as a murderer even if I knew nothing about him."

Light's thoughts ground to a halt.

"Excuse me?" he said, when his mouth worked again. "He's in the game, and you didn't tell me this first?"

"No."

"Well," said Light. "This is all very familiar. I'm sure you have some bizarre elliptical reason for not telling me about this. Possibly relating to Shikigami."

"Not really," said L. "I just forgot."

...

"Sorry," L added. "I have quite a poor memory, sometimes."

"Yes," said Light distantly. "I have noticed this."

**END OF EPISODE 21 (SAT MARCH 26 2011, 00:15 AM)  
**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Batman.**

* * *

It's Friday when I say it's Friday.

-Surreptitious Hurt/Comfort


	22. S1E22: On Fire, Not In A Good Way

**DISCLAIMERS APPEAR BELOW**

* * *

"On the plus side, raising the dead is a very impressive feat," said Light. "On the minus side, you failed to do it."

"Be quiet," said L.

"What I'm saying is, this is a waste of time, and I am now so bored I want to wave my hands like an cartoon octopus."

"As interesting as that would have been, we have prior arrangements. Hold this lectern."

They were in a cold stone room, underneath a cold stone building, sorting through dozens of blueprints that L wanted to look at for reasons that were apparently best known only to him.

"No holding lecterns," said Light.

"Please hold this lectern."

Light held the lectern.

"Thank you. We're not raising the dead, in fact, but what we are doing is every bit as complex and important. Please focus."

"I am on fire with annoyance."

"That's nice."

"If this turns out to involve shikigami in any way, I will extract my own eyes and bake them."

L thought about this. "To what end?" he said, carefully.

"It's a joke, L."

"I see."

"Try not to let it bother you."

**END OF EPISODE 22 (FRI APRIL 01 2011, 21:24 AM)  
**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.**

* * *

Another huge update!

-Swift Heat Circulation


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